1.Make sure to wear enough cologne/perfume to choke a horse. If eyes aren’t watering, you’re not wearing enough. You’ll know you’re on the right track if you notice others around you making a “yuck” face after tasting the aftermath of your scent nightmare.

2.Take out you’re your old Van Halen t-shirt (you know the one that’s about 3 sizes too small) and pair it with your best acid wash jeans. Remember, first impressions count. This one will last a lifetime!

3.Forget the toothbrush. In fact, have a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes on your way to the interview. After all, that minty-fresh taste will just disrupt the flavor of your morning java.

4.Leave your manners at home. Be sure to swear, insult the receptionist, and roll your eyes between questions to make sure they get the point. Perfection!

5.Lay it all on the table. Before the questions even start, let your salary, benefits and schedule demands be known. I mean, if they aren’t going to give you what you want, why even bother with this interview stuff?

6.Chew gum. Not only will it help to calm your nerves, but your lip smacking will help to smooth over those uncomfortable silences between questions.

7.Don’t talk about your skills, talents or experience. I mean, didn’t they read your resume? No need to be redundant!

8.Let it all out. Tell them what a creep your current employer is. Cry about your fragile emotional state. Heck, let them know you’re about to get a divorce. Interviewers love that personal touch. Negativity speaks to negativity, so get recruiting!

9.Start apologizing. Employers love nervous, insecure employees who are too afraid to solve a problem or make a decision on their own. Make sure you let them know that you are barely capable of doing this job, but you need the paycheck so they should give it to you anyway.

10.Last, but not least, make sure you don’t know anything about the company you’re applying to. Life should be an adventure, and all of that searching, reading, practicing and preparing will just ruin the fun!


If you are currently conducting a job search, think back to the worst interview you ever had (you know, the one that makes you shake your head just thinking about it). What can you learn from that experience? What could you have done better? How can you make sure you don’t make the same mistakes next time? Where can you get help if you need it? Everyone is allowed to make mistakes. Only fools refuse to learn and grow from them.

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