10 Things We Learned from Celebrity Splitsville: 2010

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Last year was a dangerous year to be famous.   A-Listers were dropping like... dead celebrities.   It wasn't pretty.

This year, the glitterati took a collective sigh of relief as Death turned his cold gaze elsewhere -- only to find that 2010, sadly, was destined to be remembered as the year that [celebrity] love died.

Dramatic, I know.  But also totally true.  To prove it -- here are ten lessons learned based on ten two headed tabloid monsters who met their bloody end in 2010.  Try saying that ten times fast.  

Letterman-style, in ascending order of shockery --

TOP TEN CELEBRITY SPLITS OF 2010, AND WHAT THEY TAUGHT US:

10. Al and Tipper Gore

In a November 6, 2000 file photo, Vice President Al Gore kisses his wife Tipper during a rally at the America's Center in St. Louis. According to an email leaked to the press, Former Vice President Gore and Tipper are separating after 40 years of marriage. UPI/Bill Greenblatt/File Photo via Newscom

09. Christina Aguilera and Not Famous Husband

34822, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Sunday October 11, 2009. Christina Aguilera brings her family to the Mr. Bones pumpkin patch to get in the Halloween spirit. Along with husband Jordan Bratman and son Max, Christina spent a while perusing the pumpkins before making her selection. Jordan pulled the trolley while Christina kept a hold of Max. Christina wore a plaid shirt, biker boots and a Mona Lisa print shirt, while Max wore a shirt with the slogan if it's too loud, you're too old . Photograph: PacificCoastNews.com   + 1

  • What we learned: Okay so the dude's name is Jordan Bratman, and I know it -- but can anyone tell me the name of that baldish guy who was married to J.Lo for like a minute pre-Gigli? I didn't think so. Lesson learned: Britney even does a flashier job of marrying and divorcing her backup dancers than X-Tina. And the age-old rivalry continues.   

08. Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter

Primetime Emmy Awards Arrivals held at The Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, California on August 28th, 2010. Michael C Hall, Jennifer Carpenter                                            Fame Pictures, Inc

  • What we learned: Under no circumstances should you marry your sister. Not even if she just "plays one on TV."  

07. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

26672, CABOS SAN LUCAS, MEXICO - Friday May 28, 2010. FILE PICTURE dated Wednesday 19th November 2008. Heidi Montag has allegedly seperated from husband Spencer Pratt and is looking for a new place to live. The Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are married in a secret ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, Mexico, on 19th November 2008. Photogragh: Mango Productions/PacificCoastNews.com

  • What we learned: What didn't we learn? Speidi was a train wreck from the moment those two psychotic opportunists laid eyes on each other. I wonder if they had a prenup. And if not, I wonder if he's entitled to one of her implants.

06. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordengren

Tiger Woods walks with his wife Elin Nordegren during the President Cup in San Francisco on October 9, 2009. Woods announced on December 11, 2009 that he will take an indefinite break from professional golf after rumors of alleged affairs with several women have surfaced. UPI/Kevin Dietsch/Files Photo via Newscom

  • What we learned: Tiger is totally freaky. Also: No matter how much of a giant bag of douche your celebrity billionaire husband turns out to be, do not come after him with a nine iron.  (But secretly, that was awesome.)

05. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy

LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 03:  Actor Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy arrive for the World Film Premiere of Disney's 'A Christmas Carol' at the Odeon Leicester Square on November 3, 2009 in London, England.  (Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images for Disney)

04. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston

ST. PAUL, MN - SEPTEMBER 04:  :  Bristol Palin (R), daughter of Republican U.S vice-presidential nominee Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, holds brother Trig Palin while sitting next to her boyfriend Levi Johnston on day four of the Republican National Convention (RNC) at the Xcel Energy Center on September 4, 2008 in St. Paul, Minnesota. U.S. Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) will accept the GOP nomination for U.S. President Thursday night.  (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

  • What we learned: BRISTOL PALIN GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH LEVI JOHNSTON!? WTF Bristol? W.T.F.?

03. Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

July 20, 2010 - Hollywood, California, U.S. - ZAC EFRON & VANESSA HUDGENS .''Charlie St. Cloud'' - Los Angeles Premiere - Arrivals. Regency Village Theatre, Westwood, CA 07-20-2010. 2010.I15280PR. © Red Carpet Pictures

  • What we learned: Neither puppy love nor a holding deal with Disney can last forever.

02. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James

38089, WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - Friday 26th February 2010. Sandra Bullock and her husband Jesse James look a little glum as they leave their home to attend an event. Photograph: DC Hunter, PacificCoastNews.com

  • What we learned: Sandy is kind of a badass. She showed jilted women everywhere how it's done when she cut her beloved out like a funky mole and went through with the adoption process she'd started before her life fell apart. Jesse James, you give Jesse James a bad name.

...and the number one celebrity breakup of 2010....drumroll please....

01. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson

4483, NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Tuesday December 14, 2010. FILE PHOTO DATED Monday September 28 2009. FILE: Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have separated - The two were married in September 2008. ORIGINAL CAPTION: Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds seen walking to the gym in Midtown Manhattan carrying water bottles one day after their 1 year wedding anniversary. On September 27, 2008, Johansson and Reynolds were married at a quiet ceremony on Vancouver Island in Tofino, British Columbia. Reynolds is in town to host Saturday Night Live this Saturday, October 3.Photograph:  PacificCoastNews.com

  • What we learned: ScarJo isn't as savvy as she seems. What kind of woman shows a newly minted Sexiest Man Alive the door? Oh, Ryan. Her loss is EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN NORTH AMERICA's gain. 

So that's it. Actually that's not it. There were quite a few other notable breakups in 2010, like ill-fated Director/Actress pairings Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes, and Rachel Weisz & Darren Aaronofsky, and the surprisingly volatile Melissa and Tammy Etheridge. Oh, and we can celebrate the fact that the gag-inducing Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson union finally ended, while pouring out a 40 oz of Irish Stout in honor of long-time-loves Charlize Theron & Stuart Townsend who called it quits way back in January. Alas, I was limited to ten, and these were the easiest to make fun of.

Plus, I get to further air out my opinions through carefully curated blurbs from the blogosphere.

Anything Hollywood lays down the skinny on a few more of the endless number of notable splits in 2010:

Courteney Cox and David Arquette - Courteney, 46, and David, 39 have been married for 11 years. They have a daughter named Coco Riley. They announced their trial separation on Oct 11, 2010. Do you see them patching things up in the future? 


Madonna and Jesus Luz - Not to worry, he’s now a very high-paying DJ in NYC thanks to The Materialistic Girl. As for Madonna, 52, she’s already got herself a new boytoy: another 24-year-old, Brahim Zaibat.

Blake Lively and Penn Badgley – The Gossip Girl co-stars ended their three-year romance back in September.

Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish - The two began dating in 2007 and some say their romance began on the set of “Stop-Loss” while Ryan was still married to Reese Witherspoon. They called it quits in February.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker – Eva filed for divorce from her NBA husband, Tony in November. Reasons? He’s allegedly been cheating on her.


Celebitchy digs a little deeper into the alleged infidelity that caused the Ryan Phillipe/Abbie Cornish split -- which was totally shocking of course, and not at all a karmic bite to the rear.

Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish have broken up after four years together. Ryan and Abbie’s relationship is thought to have hastened the end of his marriage to Reese Witherspoon. They met on the set of Stop Loss in 2006, when Ryan was still married. Perhaps proving the old adage “if he cheats with you…,” it was rumored back in December that Ryan was cheating on Abbie and macking on random women in clubs. It’s possible they were broken up back then, or that they were having problems and that Ryan was dealing with it the only way he knows how.

[The] story makes it sound like Abbie had to go out of town for work and just naively expected Ryan to be faithful to her while she was away. These two are very private, so maybe they called it quits a while ago and Abbie’s PR people convinced her she needed to let the public know about it. Ryan and Abbie were photographed at an event together at the end of January, though, so I would assume the breakup was recent. I’m thinking Abbie got fed up with Phillippe’s passive aggressive behavior and cheating. Sounds just like what Reese had to deal with.

So tell me - who else's split caught your attention this year?  And more importantly, do you think a Ryan Reynolds/Sandra Bullock rebound is in store for 2011?

 

Morgan (The818) is a blogger and screenwriter living in Los Angeles.  She overshares her personal life - complete with curse words - at The818.com, talks art and design over at Cargoh.com, and tweets: @the818.

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