Let me share a true story.

When my darling daughter was in the 4th grade, she suddenly began forgetting to bring home the books and materials she needed to complete her homework. Her school was only two blocks away, and I would rush her back there to get her book or whatever it was she had forgotten. Wasn’t I dedicated? Didn’t I do whatever was necessary to help my child succeed in school?

Oh, how I complained! You know what I said. She had to be more responsible, she must remember to check her backpack before she left school. Blah, blah, blah. My daughter would promise to check her backpack every day for the rest of her life. And she did- until the next time she forgot. Then we did our whole dance all over again.

One fine fall day, my daughter forgot her math book. Again. It was late afternoon, and I wasn't sure if her teacher would still be at school. Frantic, I called the office. What luck! Not only was her teacher there, she would be happy to drop the book off on her way home!

Now, let's stop here for a minute. Imagine this from my daughter's point of view. Every couple of days she gets to postpone doing her homework and push her mother's buttons. She gets to hear me sing the Martyr Mother Song (you know it?); she gets escorted back to school; she gets to track down her teacher in the teacher's lounge…what fun! And now her teacher was coming to her house! This was definitely more exciting than math homework.

I was just about to tell the teacher that it wouldn't be necessary, I would come and get the book. Then I had a revelation- a vision, really. I saw my daughter in high school, maybe 17 years old, smacking gum, text messaging some ne'er do well on her cell phone and mumbling, "Can’t do my homework. Forgot my book."

I couldn’t let it happen! This foolishness was going to stop.

I thanked the teacher for her extraordinarily kind offer, and told her that the book could stay in my daughter’s desk. This was becoming a problem, and my daughter needed to remember to become more responsible. I would no longer bring her back to school to get anything.

My daughter was shocked, then embarrassed, then angry. How was she going to do her math homework? She wasn’t going to be able to do her homework, and for one quick second I worried that I was a bad parent. Then, I remembered that it is always harder to the right thing (not get the book) than the wrong thing (get the darn book).

That was the end of my daughter forgetting her books, by the way.

Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. Not turning in your homework (especially when you’ve actually done it), shivering on the playground because you can’t find your coat, missing a field trip because you left the permission slip at home- these are the kinds of lessons we want our children to learn the hard way so that they won’t have to learn the really hard ones later.

The only way our children will grow into confident, capable and responsible adults is if we treat them like capable and responsible children.

And, finally, our kids must respect our time. Yes, we love them more than anything. We want to help them, and we often do. Sometimes, we will drop whatever we are doing for ourselves to do something for them- but not every time. Quiet as it’s kept, we have our own plans. Everybody’s time is valuable- including their very own parents!

So, once in awhile, bring the forgotten item. Just don't make a habit out of it.

Here's a quote I need to tattoo to my forehead: "The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them." - Frank A. Clark

* This post is an excerpt from my new e-book: 10 Ways to Make Certain That Your Kids Hate School, Become Lazy & Dependent Learners, Drive Their Teachers Crazy, & End Up Living in Your Basement Until They Are 40