The $100 Question: Tell Sabrina From Slice Of Lemon If You Keep Or Lose Friends Who Hate Your Mate
By The Editors of ... on April 22, 2010
BlogHer Original Post
Welcome to The $100 Question, where fellow BlogHers are asking questions ... and every answer could be worth one hundred dollars!
Let's meet today's host: Sabrina from Slice of Lemon
Sabrina is an award-winning journalist who chronicles her transition from an over-indulgent, and carefree party girl to a sensible and wise Muslim-American woman on her weblog, Slice of Lemon. Sabrina's daily posts include hilarious stories about her eccentric behavior as a child, life as a newlywed, and living modestly in L.A. while she and her husband chase big dreams.
Sabrina's photo courtesy Slice of Lemon
Ready to play? Here is The $100 Question for Thursday, April 22:
Would you maintain a relationship with someone who did not like your spouse/partner?
Over the years, I've known plenty of incredible women who've had an affinity toward dating real sleaze bags. And though it always sucked when the people I love got hurt, it wasn't anything that we couldn't get through together. A few million tears, and two hundred hours of analyzing the male psyche later, the female bond of friendship was strong enough to trump heartbreak, and each of us was able to move on with only a few cuts and scrapes that healed over time. But that was back in high school, and college. Now, I'm 26, and all my friends are starting to settle down. Some are in serious relationships, a few are already married, and some of my closest friends are in the thick of wedding planning at this very moment. For the most part, many of my girlfriends have found men that are good for them -- men who complement their style, their belief system, their values and work ethic, while others...well...let's just say that the word sleaze bag comes to mind once again.
I think it's somewhere between 15 and 19 that women desperately seek the approval of their peers when it comes to their partner, but there soon comes a point when it's our parents whose approval we seek most. At least that's how it was for me. When I met my now husband I knew immediately that he was an incredible human being, unlike anyone I had ever met before. Sure, I wanted my friends to like him, but when things started to get serious between us, the approval of even my closest friends took the backseat to my mom, dad, and older sister's opinions that I value immensely.
I've been married for 21 months now, and all of my girlfriends seem to really like the man I chose to spend my life with. But having said that, I wonder if things weren't this way. What if my closest friends didn't like my husband, would that change the relationship I have with them? I've been thinking about this for a few days, and I don't think that my friendships would be affected. If my friends didn't like the man I married, I would only ask two things of them. First, their reason for dislike must be substantial and factual. And second, they absolutely, can never, under any circumstance speak ill of him in my presence. If those two rules can be firmly established and understood, I think I could very easily carry on a friendship with someone who didn't like my spouse.
But my husband feels otherwise. Just the other day he told me that he didn't think it would be that easy -- that if someone I cared about didn't like him it would hurt me more than I know.
I have a few friends who have chosen partners that I am not very fond of, and all I ask is that their partners not be forced into my life, just as I do not push my spouse onto others, whether they like him or not. I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that the more someone sees and interacts with their partner, the more their partner will grow on others, and be accepted.
But if you let your leg hair grow (on you) long enough, eventually you'll accept that too.
And when someone starts comparing your partner to leg hair, it's probably time to re-evaluate your relationships, and draw some boundaries.
How to play: Tell Sabrina your answer to her question in the comments below by 5 p.m. Monday, April 26 to be eligible to win. We'll enter all the comments into a randomizer and choose one lucky commenter to win. Comment as many times as you want. Click here to read the official rules. Good luck!
Want more chances to win?
Please join us tomorrow for Friday's question, asked by Steph from A Year of SlowCooking for another chance to win.
You can check out the full list of bloggers and questions in the The $100 Question archive.
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