13 Things You Should Definitely Avoid on Friday the 13th
You're a reasonable person, so you're probably telling yourself reasonable things on Friday the 13th. Things like, "Unlucky things happen to someone every day" and "Superstition ain't the way" and "If anything, you're probably a bit safer on Friday the 13th, because many people are hiding out and therefore unable to drop a safe on your head."
You're wrong. Friday the 13th is a real thing, as I'll prove (with anecdotal evidence). Beware these 13 things today, or chance your doom.
1. The internet.
The infamous Jerusalem virus of the '80s (spread through floppy disks!) destroyed all executable files on infected computers every January 13. On January 13, 1989, the virus hit a bunch of IBM PCs in Britain. Keep the devices off.
2. The stock market.
Friday, the Thirteenth was a weird and popular 1907 novel about an evil trader named Bob Brownley, who wreaks havoc on Wall Street. The novel's title helped cement the date's evil portents in pop culture with inimitably purple prose:
Wall Street has lived through many black Fridays. Some of them have been thirteenth-of-the-month Fridays, but no Friday yet marked from the calendar, no Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday yet garnered to the storehouse of the past was ever more jubilantly welcomed by his Satanic Majesty than yesterday.
And wouldn't you know, 81 years later, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 190.58 points, on Friday, October 13, 1989 -- sure, that's peanuts compared to the market of today (in 2008 the market dropped 429 points in just minutes), but why risk it?
Tupac Shakur died on Friday the 13th, 1996 after a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas.
4. The movies.
Alfred Hitchcock, the master of suspense, was born on a Friday the 13th, and you don't want to live his nightmares.
5. The streets.
A 1993 study published in the British Medical Journal found that hospital visits from vehicular accidents increased as much as 52% on Friday the 13th. Stay home.
Triskaidekaphobia expert (!) Dr. Thomas Fernsler of the University of Delaware, known as "Dr. 13" (!!!), estimates that absenteeism costs the nation billions each Friday the 13th. So why even bother going in?
This school caught on fire on Friday the 13th of August, 2010. It could happen again.
8. The air.
9. The water.
On Friday, January 13, 2012, the Costa Concordia hit a rock in the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Italy, partially sinking the ship and killing 30.
10. The outside.
Hurricane Charley made landfall in Cuba on Friday, August 13, 1992. It is still the eighth most destructive Atlantic hurricane in history. On April 13, 2012, a terrible tornado cluster hit the Midwest. Nature is to be respected. Be safe.
11. The inside.
Even your house is not safe from today's curse, at least if you want to sell it: housing sales go down 32 percent on the 13th, reports ABC News.
On Friday, August 13, 1993, the Royal Plaza Hotel in Nakorn Ratchasima, Thailand, caved in, killing 127 people. All six stories collapsed swiftly and totally."
13. Staying put.
According to NASA, an asteroid will come "scarily close to Earth" on a Friday the 13th in 2029. NASA says scientists are predicting it will not hit but rather be the brightest asteroid in recorded history. However … there's still a 3.9 in a million chance that 99942 Apophis will return to collide with us later this century. I don't like those odds.
So what should you do this Friday the 13th? Adopt a black cat!
Many humane societies host special adoption days for black cats on Friday the 13th, and pop culture clearly demonstrates that black cats are superior in all respects.