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I dabbled in internet dating in 2000, paying my monthly dues to the cyber service as I weaved in and out of the system. I'd pop in to see who was new, make a few dates and then if nothing happened quickly, I'd run to my comfort zone of offline dating. But, when my heart was broken in the "real" world, I'd reconnect to the internet and begin the process again.
I'd hear countless stories about people meeting online and marrying; it just never happened to me. After six years of email exchanges, hundreds of dates and trips to California, Chicago and DC to meet people, I decided that if I was looking for someone serious, I'd better make a commitment too.
So, I changed my approach and opened my mind to dating people who I would have earlier discounted. Within weeks, I found myself in love, engaged and planning a wedding. I learned that adopting a few healthy habits can change your dating experience. As the New Year rings in, make a resolution to change old patterns. Following are seven habits taken from successful online daters who have found love online.
1. Refresh, Refresh, Refresh
Refresh your profile and photos. Keeping current is important. It says that you're active and serious about showing people who you are and what you have to offer. Did your family recently visit you during the holidays? Post the photos of you by the Christmas tree or Menorah, with your children or grandchildren. Leading a full life is attractive.
2. Decide on Deal Breakers
Make ones that really matter. If you hate cigarettes and a pretty-looking lady says that she's a smoker that could be a good reason not to pursue her. At this age, it's highly unlikely she'll give up her pack-a-day habit. But, if a person lives two towns away, and you're only willing to date someone who lives in your local area, that could be something you'd want to reconsider. Figure out what's really off limits and compromise on things that are smaller.
3. Consider Timing
For me, timing was a critical factor. I met my husband online three years before we began dating seriously. We had gone on one date and although he seemed nice enough, he didn't seem like my type, so we never went out again. Years later, he saw my profile posted online and had the courage to write me again. We decided to go on a second "first" date to see if anything had changed over the years. Interestingly, the second time around felt right. We ended up falling in love and married nine months later. Maybe I had a bad day three years ago."
4. Be Open
We all have those checklists of what we're looking for in a mate. Blond, ‘5'7 and cooks a hearty chili. Muscular, successful and helps with the grocery shopping. Finding someone who you can neatly check off the boxes on your list of criteria can be a big feat; sometimes even impossible. My friend Lisa would only date corporate men but when she met Kevin, a physical therapist who was handy around the home too, she realized that having someone who could fix her leaky sink faster than she could dial a plumber, was more appealing to her than a man who wore a suit and tie all day.
