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You know when you are sitting there, doing your taxes and researching life insurance premiums, thinking to yourself, I am such an adult right now, how awesome and mature am I?
And then, you turn on the television to watch C-Span, and as you are flipping around, you see an ad for the MTV Movie Awards, and you are all, ugh, like MTV is even still on the air, they don't even know what good music is anymore, it's just noise.
hosted by Jason Sudeikis...
Who the hell is Jason Sudeikis? Oh, right, that one funny guy left on Saturday Night Live. Pass.
performance by Foo Fighters...
Meh. I need to see how this whole debt ceiling thing plays out.
world premiere of the trailer for Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn...
OMG EVERYONE BE QUIET, MAMA HAS TO WATCH HER SHOW.
In case you missed the 2011 MTV Movie Awards, I'm here to relive it with you. But, if you won't take my word for it, and want to see it for yourself, you better get on it, because MTV is only going to re-air about it 400 more times this week.
In the vast tradition of award shows, host Jason Sudeikis began the evening by taking the audience on a trip, Hangover style, down the short list of best movie nominees. Jason loses twilight's Taylor Lautner after a blurry night of drinking with Justin Bartha. It was a funny parody that left me wondering why on earth Jason Sudeikis wasn't in the Hangover to begin with? He is a way more doable version of Ed Helms. This also marked the first time I've watch Taylor Lautner on the big screen and not wanted to punch myself in the face since 2005's Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
The opening monologue is always awkward. It's mostly Sudeikis making timely and witty puns on today's pop culture and political environment, Kristen Stewart acting totally annoyed every time the camera cuts to her, Selena Gomez embarrassed she's still dating Justin Bieber, and the majority of MTV viewers having no idea what Sudeikis is even talking about and seriously, who is Arnold Swartzkoff, and why isn't my mom taking care of my crying baby?
Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake kicked things off by playfully shooting down dating rumors, going to third base with each other on stage, and handing out the award for Best Male Performance. Team Edward emerges victorious, with Robert Pattinson taking the stage to make his acceptance speech, at which point, I promptly muted my television, as to preserve the fantasy that he talks like a 150 year old brooding teenage vampire, and not, in fact, like Dumbledore.
Elle Fanning, J.J. Abrams, someone's random teenage nephew and Steven Spielberg (yes he was there, I think he got lost, or someone roofied him?) took the stage to introduce an exclusive preview for their new movie, Super 8. It's a train wreck, literally. That's really all I can tell you, because I have no idea what the movie is about. It's like if M. Night Shyamalan and Cloverfield had a baby. It was that puzzling.
Next up, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell gathered to hand out the award for Best Villian to Tom Felton. Yeah, I had no idea who he was either, but turns out, he's the guy who plays Malfoy in Harry Potter. It was exciting to see him without the creepy white,slicked back hair, and to let him have his moment on stage, because they are done filming and he'll probably never be heard from again. Unless he joins a boy band, and even then...
Jim Carrey was brought out to introduce the Foo Fighters, because remember, this is MTV and they sometimes play music.
The Foo Fighters were great, as always, but they left me feeling old and fighting the urge to find my flannel shirts and pierce my nose with a really obnoxious and angst ridden hoop.
Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride and Nick Swardson, better known as the funniest guys ever, that you don't even realize you totally know, passed out the golden popcorn to the Best Jaw Dropping Moment. Justin Bieber won. So, yeah. That happened.
Cutting back to Sudeikis bantering with the audiences, eventually interviewing the boulder that crushes James Franco's arm in the movie I refuse to watch, thanks to
