21

I am 21. I have been for one full week now. Today I find myself sitting at my father's house, watching One Tree Hill, eating spaghetti o's, and drinking an apple martini. And constantly missing my boyfriend. For some reason, I feel that this is a constant in my life. That maybe, this isn't going to be the last time that I will be doing this (preferably without the spaghetti o's next time though). Comfort food, comfort drink, comfort entertainment, but no company. Welcome to the fabulous life of being 21. Some days I want to fast forward a few years; graduate college, married, have children, live the life I've always wanted. Other days I want to rewind; go back to high school, fix who I was, change who I become. Neither of these are very realistic goals and I could probably spend my time in a more heart-and-soul healthy way, but I won't. Instead, I shall sit here drowning my sorrows in all of my comforts, and continuously wonder why they don't make me happy. I am supposed to be young and having fun! I am not supposed to be worried about if we are going to stay together, or if him being a merchant marine is going to be a death sentence to our relationship, or if everything it worth it or not. I am 21. I should be concentrating on my life, where I'm going in the next five years; where I want to be anyway. But all I can ever think about is the future and the past. Never the present. Some days I feel older than my years, and some days I feel like a child. I am 21. 

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