#22 - A Housewife Position

I came back from France early April and landed to Boston with a lot of projects and the certitude that I needed to change my way of life. In fact, my six weeks away drove me to an infernal schedule, and even my perfect organization could not beat the tasks.

In May, after a three days event, I drove back home crying from a back pain and for the third time in my life I called sick.
Nobody could find out what was wrong with me, so the medical profession launched a general study of my body. Each time that a new exam was done, I was waiting the verdict on my certain and very soon death. I asked my husband to send my bones back to France, even after death they will never be able to handle the New England weather, and I did not believe that he will be covering my grave with fresh flowers.

Six weeks later and a gallbladder lighter, I resigned my job and took, for the first time in my career, a full time housewife position. On the principle that I have to excel at what I am doing, I started with a house cleaning that drove me from the basement to the attic, creating a system of boxes with labeled stickers, reorganizing each inch of our home. You could open a closet and see the piles of clothes perfectly aligned, all smelling lavender, the shirts organized by colors and sleeves length. I planted an organic vegetables garden, pulled out my French cooking books and mastered the art of French pastries. I was so much productive, that I started to feed my neighbors. It was impossible to eat the two hundreds Madeleines I had baked, or the third chocolate pears cake that I had made to perfection.

The dinner was served every day at 6PM with a tablecloth and porcelain, but we were having a third guest sitting on the table every night. It was impossible to get rid of the laptop. I asked nicely to be moved on the desk, I crowded the table so it will be no space, and in a desperate move, I took a DVD membership to Netflix, maybe I could use it to my advantage, we could watch a movie and talk about.

So I was available, our house could be in a page of a magazine, rubric organization, I had rewritten a dozen of baking recipes, we were eating everyday incredible meals, yet no changes in my relation with my husband, but a lot of popularity with my neighbors.

At this point I thought that it was certainly physical, something was wrong with me. Was I unattractive or something disgusting about having sex with me? An analyze of the situation was needed. I took the camera, undressed and took pictures. It is very had to be critical on yourself, but I absolutely hated what I saw. I had ten extra pounds due to the fact that I had stop to smoke, but also tasting my baking. I decided to pull the bicycle out and I had never realized how hilly it is around my house, until I had to push the bike half of the trip, because I could not make it on it. Every few days I was adding a mile of suffering and one day I began to enjoy it. I lost my ten pounds, added some push-up, got back to shape and pulled out my lingerie. As we say in French, it was "une cause perdue", a lost cause, and non of my efforts to change myself or the decorum around succeeded to create any interest in my husband.

Thanksgiving was coming, I had the house full with friends and family. I was smiling to everyone, while I was feeling so depress and ridiculously good for nothing. It was seven months that I was home and it was time for me to go back to work, so I decided to resign from my full time housewife position.....

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