300 Is Racist, Ableist and Homophobic As Hell

I watched 300 last night, and recorded my reactions, which were slightly drunken and funny.  I have come to the conclusion that at minimum it is incredibly racist, homophobic and ableist, if not more (I haven't had time to delve further into all the horrible things I saw).  Especially racist.  Like, probably the most racist movie I've ever seen, and it came out in 2007, so these people have zero excuse of any kind.

Here it is:


8-18-14, 8 pm

I am watching 300.  I had refused, and then I decided you, my readers, might enjoy my reactions to it.



300 Poster
Startin' off right.



I am only a tad bit tipsy, as I have had a beer and a half, but I have a feeling as the movie progresses I will find myself desiring further intoxication.  I will keep you posted.


All right.  Firing it up.  Here goes nothing.



1:05 I am literally a minute in and there is already a pile of skulls.


2:49 That 12 year old is doing a great job playing an angry, violent 7 year old.




2:57 I really hope I’m supposed to find this kid creepy as hell.


4:02 That’s a super realistic CG glowy wolf-monster you’re fighting there, sonny.


5:50 For a Spartan, every actor playing Leonidas looks an awful lot like this white kid I went to school with.  I’m just saying.  Not exactly Greek-looking actors here.


300 Spartans
Photo courtesy of andrew-wittman.com


5:57 I ADORE THE LEATHER BIKINIS, OMG.  And with capes!  A whole crowd of well-oiled, well-muscled men in leather underwear...where’s the dance music and the cocktails?  Are you telling me this ISN’T a gay dance club?


7:08 OH GOD HERE COME THE A-RABS.  WE’RE IN TROUBLE NOW.


7:53 Oh, yep, bag full of skulls and all.


8:27 Oh HELL yes, Irish-Scottish actor Gerard Butler is the most Greek-like choice I can think of.  (Could they have picked a whiter manly man? I guess I should be thankful he’s at least a brunette).  “He’ll do, just throw some guyliner on him.  Everyone will be too distracted by the leather underwear to notice anyhow.”


Gratuitous cleavage



9:35 Gratuitous cleavage.  Shockingly little so far in proportion to manly eye-candy...especially since this movie was obviously made for men.


10:20 Oh yes.  Wise King Leonidas immediately doesn’t trust the black dude.


Gerard Butler has boobs 300



11:04 I take it back about the cleavage.  Gerard Butler’s got the boobs covered.


11:29 The wind...it blows ominously as I survey my people, whom I’ve sworn to protect and who are now threatened by someone other than the person currently warning me.  I’m having a surge of testosterone.  Suddenly I feel as if...as if...must...kill...black...guy....


12:48 THIS. IS. SPARTA! *dramatic kick* *black guy is shoved to his death*

          Yeah, it’s time for another drink.




             I felt that rum out of a fancy glass was the only way to do it.  I couldn’t possibly bring myself to drink anything shitty enough to actually match the movie, so I had to go dramatically, inappropriately fancy instead.

            Okay, back to the movie.


13:09 Meh, let’s actually kill ALL the Persian messengers.  They’re not really people anyway.  See, they even all cover their faces except for the one black guy.


14:34 OH, the guy with the orc-face in the hood is supposed to look like that because he’s inbred.  “Inbred swine” to be precise.  Protip, 300 Makeup Artists--inbreeding has never been known to give anyone pimply styrofoam skin.


15:07 I was about to complain at how badly Gerard is hiding his Scottish accent, but then I realized they’re all doing somewhat British-y accents anyway.  Like...why?  Why British?


17:49 Why is a half naked woman dancing around in ribbons/smoke?


orc-rape 300
Implied orc-rape


18:24 EW was the the reference to orc-rape really fucking necessary?


19:45 Second black man in movie is evil to point of promising priests to deliver daily rape victims to them in exchange for war cooperation, then LAUGHING MANIACALLY as the scene darkens and all you can see are the whites of his eyes.

          This movie is fucking racist as FUCK and I’m only 20 minutes in.


Gerard Butler's ass 300
There's an awful lot of moon in that picture.


19:48 Hello, Gerard’s ass.


20:25 So in this scene, Gerard is completely naked while his wife is fully covered by the blanket.  Couple things. 

          1. For the men watching this scene and feeling weird about it, welcome to what it’s like being a woman and watching movies all the fucking time

          2.  ...Who is this movie even for???  Most of the people I know who enjoyed it are (claim to be) straight men.  So...why all the male nudity?  Is this as simple as men fantasizing about how sexy and tough (and white and straight) they want to be, like boys?


22:32 I’ve never seen a more dramatic, romantic sex scene.  Not even in a chick flick.  WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE.


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