32 Refections From The Potty


Just so we're straight-  I'm not the one on the potty.

Baby Lug is.

As I type this I’m potty training Baby Lug, whose just turned 3.

Thank goodness I have a ton of Easter Candy to dole out for each time he uses the toilet. Otherwise I'd be in big trouble -- I just don't think real carrot is enough of a "carrot" to get the job done.

(also as I edit this he's just stood up on the closed potty lid and peed. We may have a ways to go…)

It also means I am a prisoner of my home, and complete with Baby Lug is running around freestyle. If you get my meaning.

Times like these I have to stop and review just to see what the experience of parenthood done for (and to) me.

This is one of those times.

So far I know these what I know for sure:

  • At some point parenting becomes about zone defense.
  • Showering can be option. But not much past day 3, unless it’s a blizzard or a natural disaster has hit your town, then everyone is scuzzy.
  • Live and love the uniform. Cops have’em, nurses wear’um, even the Dunkin’Doughnut Man who I used to scored my hits of caffeine from wears one… you've got to consider they might be on to something. Mine is a Gap Trouser jean and a Gap t-shirt (long and short) with clogs. The clogs are key because here in the Northeast it is snowy, slushy and with 2″ platform base I can navigate easily. Those extra 2″ also makes me 5′10″ and skinnier. And I can slip them off easily.
  • You don’t have to bathe your kids everyday. In the summer yes (sunscreen) but you can fill up a kiddie pool and Viola! bathtime. After day 3,  again, things get gamey.
  • You wear your hair everyday. Spend the cash there.
  • Bobbi Brown make-up hides pretty much everything. Also spend the cash there.
  • There were days I’d sell blood or non-essential organs for Bobbi Brown make-up. (Or now I use Sarra, which may have turned me forever.)
  • Perfume is your friend.
  • Tag sales are your friend. So is Ebay and Craig's List. Even your town dump if it has a "Dumptique" Ungodly how much great stuff you get, sell or trade. Or just give it away to a family crisis center/thrift shop.
  • Giving is better than getting.
  • You will have a million new mommy friends but if you can cultivate 3-4 close in-the-trench friends from them, they will literally save your bacon with emergency babysitting.Also fab for venting, as sounding boards and as your biggest fans.
  • We all need fans. Your kids do. You do.
  • No one know what it’s like to have twins. Except those with twins. You just have to accept it. We give each other knowing looks and, yes, we have a secret handshake. Same goes for higher-order multiples.They also get better discounts and have my undying awe.
  • With twins, things either get exponentially easier or exponentially harder. All learn the potty or everyone figures out how to dial 9-1-1.
  • Diaper bags can be anything. Even a car.
  • The nice stuff gets pooped, peed, thrown up on just as much (if not more) than the good enough.
  • The Baby weight won’t come off unless you have a hand in it. I know, Heidi Klum says she just breastfeeds, but the girl is LYING. She’s paid to work out and just assumes that subsisting on salad is the norm.
  • Your body will not spring back. Maybe the first one it did, and maybe those we're even twins and you were as huge as a German Zepplin, but the second or the third. Your pushing it.
  • You can totally send your kids a bill when their older if that makes you feel better. For the boob-lift surgery, the tummy-tuck, therapy you threaten you need.  Also you can offer your sons future movers to your friends. I have two and boy I'm thinking up projects for them to build, tear-down and move when their 16.
  • What works for one kid doesn’t work for all. In fact count on it. It make it less frustrating. And it’s a pleasant surprise when it does work.
  • A sleeping child will make you glad went down the lunatic path known as parenthood. It's also the reset button. You might wanted to ship'em off to the Gypsies earlier but the sweet calmness of a softly snoring babe and, well, you forget about the cat in the dryer episode. Well not forget...but forgive. (The cat won't.)
  • Have at least 2 emergency back-up dinners ready in freezer/pantry. Trader Joe's is great for this- pizza, frozen Risotto, fishsticks. McDonald is the back-up, back-up, back-up -- right after Wholefoods, who does an awesome job, without the crap.
  • You will rue the day they learn to walk. That means they will run soon.
  • You will cry. Because of them. For them. Tears of joy included.
  • You will think you are unqualified to be a parent. I was shocked they let me out of the hospital with 2 little beings. "Do they know I don't know what the HELL I'm doing?"
  • You will figure it out. It may not be pretty but it will be OK.
  • The days are long but the years are short. You blink their starting to talk, you blink again and they're jumping on the school bus giggling with their friends.
  • Food is what is served. No options, no whining. Don't be a short-order cook, kids will eat anything if they are hungry enough. Even if it's just the veggies.
  • Kids are master manipulators and crafty minxes. You get the behavior that was last rewarded. Give them ice cream to keep them from fussing, you get fussy, bratty kids ALL THE TIME.
  • Being bored it ok. Scheduling 7 days a week with classes is mind-numbing for them and you. Creativity is born from being bored. Pirates under the kitchen table, Jungle boys in the backyard, princesses on bikes. Keep it in balance.
  • Exhaustion is the norm. You'll wish for the days when you were bored. Sleep is sexy.
  • Given the chance, you still wouldn't trade being a parent for anything. Really.

I’m sure there’s more ...but this is what I can do for now.

Plus, the 3 y.o. just informed me he went potty all by himself. In the potty.




Betsy MacKinnon

Head Blogger at TheLiquidBetsy


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