32 Things found in the dreaded minivan
By KJDougherty on January 22, 2009
When I graduated from law school several years ago, I can honestly
say that I never pictured myself driving a minivan. I thought that
after becoming a lawyer, I’d drive a Volvo or maybe an Audi. Never a
minivan. Not ever. However, when my husband and I started our family,
I didn’t care much about style. I needed room…and lots of it. First,
I had a station wagon. That wasn’t so bad. When the third baby came
along, I knew that I needed the dreaded minivan. It was a surprise
that I, like so many people before me, came to love the van. It was
great. I had enough seating for three car seats, two strollers and
room for all of the other stuff that comes along with having three
My minivan is an American breed that gets me where I need to go.
However, I have a confession….
My van is a total pigsty. I’m serious. When I pick up my son from
school after lunch, his teachers insist upon opening the van door for
him and chatting with me until he is safely buckled in. I’m usually
embarrassed because during the course of my day, I have thrown the
other two boys in the van with drinks, pretzels, animal crackers, etc.
The remnants of the snacks are scattered about the floorboard.
Well, today was the day I decided to clean out the van. Here is a list of the things I found:
1. An umbrella stroller: located at the bottom of the back
compartment, it would’ve been nice to know that was in there instead of
hauling George on my hip and carrying three bags like a pack mule.
2. Dried up french fries: if anyone with kids says that they don’t
have these in some crack in the seat of their car, they’re lying.
3. Baby nail clippers
4. Package of unopened wipes: Woo Hoo! That’s like finding gold.
5. Burt’s Bees Lip Balm: I knew it’d turn up…see recent post on my favorite things
6. Power Ranger action figure: I think it’s supposed to be the one
that turns into a wolf or a tiger…I don’t know about Power Ranger
Jungle Fury versus Power Ranger Ninja Storm…whatever.
7. Slimy frog toy that is supposed to stick against the wall when
thrown (now covered in lint): Will “won” this at school for a week’s
worth of good behavior. Why, oh, why must teachers send this crap
home as a “prize”? Like throwing a slimy frog against the walls at
home won’t get Will in timeout?
8. Individual Goldfish package wrappers: if I had a dime for every empty wrapper found in the van…
9. Empty Clinique lipstick tube: Very strange that it’s empty…no lipstick to be found. Where did it go? Weird.
10. Empty Diet Coke can
11. Broken yellow umbrella
12. One navy blue Sea Wees baby sandal: thought we’d lost this on
our last trip to the beach. It makes me sad to look at it. George’s
foot was so tiny!
13. Brown Bear, Brown Bear..What do you see? book
14. Shinguard from soccer this past fall
15. Map of South Carolina: No, we don’t have GPS.
16. Artwork from Vacation Bible Schol: This explains why my sons all have glitter on their face from time to time
17. Jack’s raincoat: He never wears it…Jack would prefer to run out in the rain, face up, with his mouth open.
18. Orange swim goggles
19. $2.34 in loose change
20. Small bottle of hand sanitizer: I gave up using this stuff a long time ago.
21. Extension cord: Makes absolutely no sense why this is in the van.
22. Batman mask
23. Invitation to a “Benefit Gala” …black tie: As if I can find a sitter in time to attend this. In fact, I think that all of my sitters are not returning my calls. Just a hunch.
24. Lynyrd Skynrd CD: Note to self - hide this from the boys unless I want to hear “Freebird” over and over and over and over…
25. Box of old, hard raisins: so much for eatin’ healthy while on the run
26. Soccer ball
27. Bike pump
28. Pair of 2T khaki pants: these were the “emergency pants” for
the van. I need a bigger size to replace them now…like a size 4T…how
29. “Things to do list” from Christmas: So, that’s where that went….
30. Church bulletin
31. Card for free chicken biscuit from Chick-fil-A
32. Unopened bottle of orange Gatorade
That’s it, folks. The van is clean. By the time I load up the kids
in the van next week, I am sure that it will need to be cleaned out
again. That’s just the way it is with three little ones. We’re always
bringing home artwork, crafts, food…you name it. I’m not going to beat
myself up about how clean my van is. I’ll try to clean it out when I
As to the empty tube of lipstick….
I found it. When I was cleaning out the van, I didn’t notice that
the lipstick had hardened and slid out of the metal tube and onto the
floorboard. Well, when I sat on the edge of the van to vacuum
underneath the driver’s seat…I sat smack on top of the gooey lipstick.
Great. Just great.