34 signs you are a Mother

 

Useless Parenting Question No.1  

 

1.  Looking at your new born baby, you totally believe you could never, ever be mad or upset with them.

2.  You once thought having teenagers would be easier than having young children.  

3.  You made the mistake of thinking if you keep a child up late, they will sleep in and not get up at the crack of dawn anymore.

4.  Cant remember the last time you spent a few nights away from the kids, on a romantic holiday.

5.  CAN recall your last romantic holiday - used the time for you and your spouse to get some long over due sleep.

6.  You watch CNN, the Discovery Channel or documentaries far more than you watch sitcoms.7.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie.

8.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie - seen someone you know and hid out in the frozen food aisle so they wouldn't see you in your obviously lacking fashion style.

9.  You often yell for one of your family members but only get out a jumbled mixture of all their names thrown together in a tongue tied side effect of being a sleep deprived mother.

10. On at least one occasion you have pretended to not be home when a friend or acquaintance knocks at your door because you and your house look like a train wreck.

11. You have hidden random kitchen items in the oven in a desperate attempt to quickly clean up.

12. You have answered the question "what's for dinner" with the response, " A phone call to Pizza Hut".

13.  You've served cereal for dinner and don't care in the least what Martha Stewart would have to say about it.

14.  When your child is handed his bowl of cereal and says, "Is this all I get for dinner?"  you say, "No. Of course not.  You also get a spoon."  

15. After spending the last 287 times trying to get a moment of piece in the bathroom - and having you children inevitably decide they are in dire need of your attention at that very moment - bathroom trip #288 ends with you yelling through the door, "You have a FATHER, you know! Find HIM!"

16. You have had at least one child catch something on fire in the microwave.

17. You've had to use every ounce of control not to laugh while disciplining  your kid. 

18. During the "facts-of-life" talk  you start laughing.

19. You have chased your naked child in public.

20. You have pretended nothing out of the norm is going on while your little angel has a complete melt down in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

21. You have threatened to take your child to school in their pajamas.

22. You have driven your child to school wearing YOUR pajamas.

23. You have said to your teenager, "I hope you have a kid just like you".

24. You have spent part of your church meeting with a half-eaten fruit loop stuck to your skirt.

25. Your diaper bag weighs more than your baby.

26. You spend way to much money on a ridiculous Pokemon toy 

27. You know all the songs from every Disney or Pixar movie and listen to those songs in the car.

28. You have driven around aimlessly in the middle of the night to get your toddler to go to sleep.

29. Your toddler never falls asleep - but your husband does.

30. You have used the phrase "Because I said so"  

31.  After only a short while of being away from your children, you call home because you miss them.

32.  The car seat in the back of your car looks very similar to what the floor under the high chair after a meal.

33.  Potty training was tougher and caused more anxiety than giving birth.

34.  You have mentally decided that if the neighborhood bully doesn't stop messing with your child, you are going to have to put the fear of God in not only the bully, but his parents as well.

35.  Pregnancy did are real number on your body - leaving those so very attractive stretch marks.  And you know it was totally worth it.


What would YOU add to this list?

  

 

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