3rd Visit with Ballerina
By rbf42 on June 17, 2014
It's amazing what one week and one extra visit can do.
We were supposed to meet Ballerina and TH on Sunday (June 1st) at 1:30 for a 1:40 movie. I say "supposed to" bc they were 2 hours late, but honestly, that's not a story for the blog. We've reported it through all the channels both as it was happening and after the fact. Let's just say that it has given us a lot to think on about this whole process.
While we waited, we were able to get a refund on our movie tickets and had lunch at Fridays. We also saw a friend that we haven't seen in years (omg has it been that long?!) walking around the mall with her new husband and family. We also had plenty of time to figure out what we were going to do. And I don't just mean on our play date. We questioned - a lot - if she really wanted this. From us.
We assumed that she had to go to church in the morning which is why he didn't pick her up until 1:30. Come to find out at the end of our play date that she didn't go to church. We were both beyond pissed bc we tried meeting them at 11am. TH told us they were running errands all day since his agency knew he was working anyhow.
We are beyond frustrated with this whole process and sadly, since our earlier frustrations, it's only marginally better. If it wasn't bad enough that the home study process was killing us, this definitely is. And unfortunately we don't know how much of it was her not wanting to spend time with us and how much of it was him taking a long time running errands.
By the time they arrived, we'd pretty much given up and are planning on moving on to the next child. But then, of course, we had the best play date so far and I think it was because we decided we were going to give up and were more relaxed. I think she felt it because she was laughing right along with us and seemed a little bit more open. "It" being our not trying to force a relationship with her.
For the first maybe :30 I was pissed. So pissed. I wasn't asking any questions and barely talking. We went to Hot Topic and she got what she needed to buy for her roommate. We love this store and she seems to as well. TH is not a fan of it at all. By the time we left there, I was feeling better. The saleslady asked Ballerina a question and she turned to me so I thought that was a little ask for help. Who knows. Maybe she just doesn't like strangers.
At the end of our play date, we gave her my business card with Husband's name and number written on the back. Essentially, we are leaving it up to her if she wants to see us again. It is in her hands. We will be in touch with her CW, but won't be seeing Ballerina for at least 2 weeks. We are out of town next weekend for the NFPA conference which we told them about so they are aware. What she decides to do in terms of contacting us is up to her. So yes, she very well could be reading this right now and every other post that I have written about her. (Hi Ballerina! I hope you like your nickname.)
I think, as a parent, it's very important for your children to know what you are feeling towards them. I know that she is not our child yet but I'm still peeved and so is Husband. We've had a few days, many conversations and many phone calls to discuss and reflect on our relationship with her to this point. We want to adopt her. We haven't made a definitive decision bc we truly cannot blame her for what is happening. Could their lateness partly have been her fault? Maybe. But she is a child. Yes, at [REDACTED] years old, she is still a child regardless of what anyone says. She may be a teenager, but hasn't had parental figures helping to mold and guide her in several years into adulthood. She needs parents to help her make decisions between right and wrong. She needs to know what is and isn't appropriate. Sure, she is a genius, but book smarts only go so far. Whatever does happen, we only want the best for her be it as our daughter or part of another family.
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