40 Days of Singleness: I Shouldn't Have Listened To That Song

Day 2

Last night, I hung out with my sorority sisters. I don’t see them often at all, so it’s always fun, and I didn’t think of #him at all.

Then I went home, and listened to Corinne Bailey Rae. *exhales* I shouldn’t have done that. Corinne has a beautiful voice, and I love her music. Sadly, CBR experienced losing her husband prior to her second album and you can hear the sadness in the melodies, the lyrics, and even the beats. You can probably guess which album I stupidly listened to, and, as a result, had a very thorough cry before I went to sleep.  

Crying is a complicated thing, especially to me. I typically cry when i’m angry or frustrated, mainly because I feel so much that it overflows from my eyes. It is very rare, however, that I cry from sadness. I have been very fortunate in that, I believe, but it seems to make it even more painful when I do, because I am, at that moment, aware of how hurt I really am.  Last night’s cry drifted into a different type of anger/sadness.  While part of me is frustrated with #him, most of me is frustrated with ME.  I feel like there are certain things I should have seen coming. I knew he was younger. I knew I would have to do most of the traveling. I knew our maturity levels differed. “So, I thought while laying in bed, “Why did I decide to be with him anyway?”

“What in the world was I thinking?”
“Was all that a waste of my time?”

I know the answers to those questions. The truth is, I wasn’t thinking. I was feeling, and although I should’ve thought about it, feeling is good too. I don’t feel like it was a waste of time, I learned more things that I needed in a relationship, which is also good, because two of those things are now at the top of my list.

At the end of my cry, a sense of peace occurred. That’s the best part of a cry. Eventually, you stop, and, even though you feel like you’re being ripped apart during the cry, once its over, the little pieces begin to mend.


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