6 Ways to Help Your Friend through a Divorce.
By Melissa from th... on February 04, 2014
2. Help her find an attorney. A mean one. The MEANEST, nastiest, most ruthless, cut-throat attorney there IS. Because I was all, "We're Christians and we can have a nice, friendly, Christian divorce," and, well, THERE IS NO SUCH THING. My one divorced friend gave me this advice, and sadly, I ignored it. You know, because I wanted a Christian lady attorney who would handle this divorce the Christian way. My intentions were good. But this idiot woman left me in a financial bind from which I have yet to recover. BECAUSE to most men, it's all about the money, he does NOT care about what's in your best interest NOR THAT OF THE KIDS, and he will STEAL from you and not think twice about it. Of course, I'm stereotyping; maybe there ARE some nice ex-husbands out there, but I have yet to see one. And furthermore, I kept feeling SORRY for the jackass that flushed my family down the toilet because he wanted more quality time with Craig's List, and kept having moments of weakness in which I told myself that I would be proud of the Christian way I handled myself, and the way in which I gave up my rights, and the way in which I turned the other cheek and let him win. And you know what? I AM proud of MYSELF, but my attorney should have been ruthless FOR ME and I did not have that, and it will affect my life and my kids' lives for years to come. So... be your friend's backbone when she's feeling weak, and YOU be the bulldog FOR her.
3. Help her with her kids. Being a single mom is HARD. Being a single mom who has just returned to working full time after being a SAHM is TORTURE. It's exhausting, all of it. Especially when you have two rushed, hurried, chaotic hours between arriving home and getting the kids into bed, which you have to do alone. You need EVERY (rushed, hurried, chaotic) minute you get, and it's never enough. And you NEVER get a minute to even take a bath and unwind, and you'll be doing your grocery shopping on your lunch hour so you don't have to give up those valuable kid-hours in the evenings to do it. ANYTHING you can do to help a single mama with the kids will be WONDERFUL. Offer to take them to your house for an evening so she can have a night out, or a Saturday morning so she can buy groceries without dragging them to the grocery store. Offer to come over and help with supper and homework. Offer to pick the kids up and take them to a movie with YOUR family, because many times single mamas don't have the funds to do movies anymore. NOTICE what your kids have or get to do that hers do not, and share. The kids are worried and scared and have NO idea what divorce will mean for them, and they NEED extra love and attention. There is NOTHING better you can do to make a mama happy than to show love to her kids.
4. Go to court with her. Court is more terrifying than I can put into words, and you have to spill the dirty laundry of your life out to a room full of strangers who are all staring at you and judging you harshly, and I cannot express enough how much more COMFORTED I felt just knowing I had friends there. Just sit there, with her, before, during, and after, and then take her for coffee or lunch afterward. But the BEING THERE, during court, is HUGE. Be there. And actually, if you can gather up extra friends to come with you to support your friend, do that. Having people on YOUR side, in YOUR corner, is HUGE moral support. Take a day off work if you have to, and be there.
5. Take meals. Being suddenly single is exhausting in ALL possible ways. Physically, mentally... it's so completely draining. I found the place in town that sells $5 hot-and-ready pizzas, and fed those to my kids WAY too many times because I could NOT possibly handle cooking. Sometimes when you're making a dish for your happy family, make extra in a disposable pan and take it to her. Extra points if you put SEVERAL meals in her freezer. My friends who brought me meals and cookies sealed my loyalty for life. Best. Friends. Ever.