About me and my Divorce
By jackiepaulson on February 07, 2012
Writing about My experiences
ABOUT ME Jackie Paulson, this is three posts that I have blogged about and I do have to put it together in a better story. Just wish to share to be able to relate and make friends here on Blogher.
Hello, my name is Jackie Paulson. I am a 44-year-old single mother
I find true for me that stands out in the traits of the zodiac sign is
“Knowledge is power.” I love to read and learn from others as a life
Long knowledge and truthseeker.
The reason why I blog is to mainly network and share knowledge with
others. My passion is reading and research so this helps me to share
what I know. I can read 167 pages of any book in two hours with
complete comprehension of what I have read. I was not always a good
reader and that all changed once I got married. The reason it changed
is because I wanted to “fix” my husband at that time. He was a
drinker and so was I. Of course I did not think I had a problem I
thought he did. What I did was to get my hands on every self-help
book I could get my hands on from Barns and Nobel book stores.
Eventually I was invited to a AA meeting with a friend and took her upon the offer.
I went there to “fix” my husband’s drinking problem. What I found out
was that I could not “fix” anyone but “myself.” Low and behold, I
changed and quit drinking and my husband did not. The changes I made
involved learning to not be a codependent and live my life
Married but “detached” from my husband and his drinking.
I got married on 2-22-92 and got divorced on 3-26-95 and I had our
baby on 2-14-94. Yes, a short marriage to an alcoholic, a divorce
with a 1-year-old which led me to being a single mother working three
Jobs just to survive. My ex husband was unfaithful in our marriage
and led to our divorce. I was born and raised Catholic and divorce
was not an option unless he broke one of the Ten Commandments and
since he did I was free to divorce and remarry, which I have not. I
received “sole custody” of our daughter and raised her the best way I
knew how and now she is going to be 17 on Valentine’s Day 2011. Yes, I
am a Proud Mother!
Okay, so to make a long story short, I have been in an ongoing battle
to get child support from my ex husband and he has been remarried and
has a ten-year old son. Here it is 2011 and my ex owes me over 94
thousand dollars. You wonder how come so much? He is Delinquent
and when that happens there is penalties and interest that built up over
the years. Have I gotten any of that money yet, No! What is crazy is
how “dead beat dads” like him can live “knowing” they do not
support the child they helped to create into this world. It takes
“two” to have a child and it take’s “two” to support a child. I did
my part by raising her the best I could, working many jobs to make
ends meet, and taking on all the responsibility that a single parent
does, and then my ex did not see what I had to do just to survive.
So, if he did care he would have paid his child support, “actions
speak louder than words.”
About Me Continued:
I grew up in a strict Irish Catholic family of seven kids and two adults. I even attended boarding schools in high school. Interesting enough my real mother died from over drinking and my father is a drinker to this day. My father owned a restaurant and later a bar and liquor store. It is obvious that my dysfunctional background helped me to want to start drinking when I was eighteen years old. Since I was born in 1966, I was able to travel over the border to Wisconsinand drink. Drinking at age eighteen started my love of drinking, attention, showing off, challenges and romances. Then I got married on 2-22-1992 to a man I fell in love with. He was a great looking man (Billy Ray Cyrus look-alike). He was a drinker. We enjoyed our new married life, new friends and all of the drinking parties. I joined a volleyball team at our local bar and loved the sport and the drinking. With all of this said I have to admit I was never pulled over by the police and never got a DUI. Oh am I thankful for these years later. Anyhow, after two years of a wonderful marriage we decided to have a child. Once I became pregnant I wanted the best for our child, so I quit drinking, my husband did not. At first I didn’t have a problem with this but after the child was born I changed. I decided that I wanted what was best for our child, a girl, and since my mom died when I was five and she was thirty-three, I vowed not to drink or tolerate it in front of our child, which included the/my husband. I decided to attend AA meetings to make sure I kept sober with a child. I never thought I would learn so much when I went there. I went to “get my husband to quit drinking.” What I learned is that I had to work on me and not him. What a Revelation! As time passed I did not allow my husband to have any alcohol in our home. We started to fight a lot, about money, communication problems, and then he would just not come home from work until really late. He decided to drink after work with his drinking buddies and just ignore his wife and child. Oh how I was devastated and learned that the meetings were helping me to make my own decisions and to not focus on my husband and his drinking but on my life. As I started to detach from his drinking and find new found things to do that did not involve drinking, my husband ended up coming home from work when our child was one years old asking for a divorce. He said, “I fell out of love with you.” As this came to a big surprise and shock to me, I had to stay strong because of our child. Needless to say, the meetings helped me to stay strong, not drink and become a divorced single mother working three jobs. I received “sole custody” of our girl and to this day do not drink. She is now seventeen years old and I am forty-four. The best thing I ever did was attend meetings to get the proper help I needed in order to get my life in order to be a strong single mother and raise our girl by myself working three jobs. I am proud of her and I am proud of me. I know my real mom is proud that I did such a wonderful job raising her and that I did not follow in the drinking path of destruction by so many in our family.
If you have questions or comments feel free to contact me @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Today I wish to share with you what has gone on in my life since 2007. As boring of a story this may be it will tell you my own struggles and the courage I had to do all that I endured. If this post is too long I do apologize as I write from the thoughts rolling around in my head.
2007- For 12 Years I worked in my own Barber Shop and five of those 12 I actually owned and operated it. Yes, a female Barber is my forte’__that does not mean I cannot do women’s hair, I just don’t prefer it. My family and friends tell me how good I am at it but after 20 years of doing it I got burnt out. So what did I do?
IN MAY of 2007 I closed the shop and went to college to become a Paralegal. See, I got married in 1992 and had my baby girl in 1994 and now she is 17 and I am 45. So, I raised my daughter as a single mom as her day decided he “fell out of love” with me when she was 1.5. So, he had a baby with another woman as I found out, he left her and now is married again to another (SUCKER). He has been for 12 years and has another son about 11 or 12. Oh who cares! So, after I raised my daughter and got sick of cutting hair industry I went to college to become a Paralegal. Yes, I worked three jobs and raised my daughter and that is another story for another day. But, I moved in and out of my apartment and in and out of another apt by 2010…at that point…lost my job doing Security and got evicted for nonpayment and had nowhere to go.
So, I used tough love and moved my daughter into my ex husbands brother and wife’s house so she could be raised in a better environment and finish High School where I originally raised her with her friends. I had to do it because when I got my five day notice to evict, I had to donate all of my belongings and stuff that I could not fit into a storage unit and that was 40 years worth of furnishings and things that I treasured. I had nowhere to go and 300.00. I put my life in a storage unit and packed clothes and went to a town far away and got a motel…(roach motel). More like spiders and centipedes!!
Mind you I had two cats that a friend took for me and later I got them and paid him for taking them for a couple of months. They are my life and treasures. They sure missed their momma! It was horrible.
Then after three months and three days I was able to afford an (roach apartment) nearby and it was 200.00 cheaper! With little work and 600.00 rent I made it work for two years. In those two years, I moved out of the motel, moved into the apt, then they remodeled it and I had to move in and out of that one into another one…then six months later I am in a HOUSE, only because I rent from my sister. It is a basement but I am living. If you want to call it that. I have to say I am a “moving expert.” I can also say the stress has me in a bit of depression I am being treated for.
Today I am blessed with a new job and new beginnings for a Security Company that I pray the Lord give me a promotion as I deserve it.
So, I did hair: got burnt out
THEN got a Degree in 2009 as a Paralegal and although I love it – no work to be found.
THEN now I stay with Security because I love it and get the respect I so deserve. Although, The rumors say we do nothing, if they only knew! I blow them off because, I know what I know and they are just jealous that they don’t have the job I have doing Security. Here are the coursed I have taken:
Associates of Applied Science Paralegal
May 2009: Kaplan University, Chicago Illinois
Certifications: Dean’s List and President’s List all semesters
JOB-RELATED CERTIFICATES AND LICENSES:
Illinois Paralegal Association
State of Illinois License Notary
New Law Certified for Real Estate
Contracts, Bankruptcy, Probate
Family Law, Evidence
Civil Litigation I & II
Software Applications in Microsoft Office Suite
JOB-RELATED CERTIFICATES AND LICENSES:
I took all of these courses:
CPR and AED First Aid and Certified 2011
- Booldborn Pathogens
- Cultural Diversity
- Cultural Sensitivity
- Effective Communication
- Gang awareness and training
- Intro to shopping center business
- Liability and Legal Aspects
- Observation and documentation
- Organized retail Crime
- Outstanding customer service
- Patrol Techniques
- Public relations
- Radio Procedures
- Report writing
- Segway training
- Sexual Harassment
- Use of Force
- Work Place Violence
- How to handcuff patrons
- Learned lock down
- Ten Codes
- Other codes
- Report suspicious activities and watch for criminal acts or rule infractions at or near assigned post(s) which may be a threat to the property, client or employees at the site.
- Report all incidents, accidents, or medical emergencies as required. Respond to emergencies, such as medical and bomb threats; and to alarms, such as fire and intrusion by following emergency response proceedings.
- Monitor and authorize entrance and departure of employees, visitors, and other persons to guard against theft and maintain security of premises.
- Write reports of daily activities and irregularities such as equipment or property damage, theft, presence of unauthorized persons, or unusual occurrences.
- Answer alarms and investigate disturbances.
- Circulate among visitors, patrons, or employees to preserve order and protect property.
- Patrol industrial or commercial premises to prevent and detect signs of intrusion and ensure security of doors, windows, and gates.
- Escort or drive motor vehicle to transport individuals to specified locations or to provide personal protection.
- Operate detecting devices to screen individuals and prevent passage of prohibited articles into restricted areas.
- Answer telephone calls to take messages, answer questions, and provide information during non-business hours or when switchboard is closed.
- Warn persons of rule infractions or violations, and verbally evict violators from premises.
Jackie Paulson (editor/book reviewer)
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