About Me...I'm hilarious

So I got ready to write my about me and did not know what to say, I never do in those things. Then I came up with the idea to make it an alphabet. I tried to keep it short but I'm a smart ass, even behind a keyboard, so it got a little out of hand. I spent more than an hour on it so I'm putting it out as my first blog post. Hopefully you'll find some humor in it. 

Artist - Like painting, photos, design. That's what I do, I'm a designer. Also like theater. Really all the arts are just great.

Bipolar - Dammit, why does B have to be second. Oh well, there it is. The hardest thing to admit about myself number two on the list. Considered renaming it zipolar but then it sounds like a problem with a zipper or an alien polar bear.

Closer to Love - I chose that name because that was the Matt Kearney song that was playing when I signed up. And it's one of my favorites

Divorce - It sucks.

Ear - One of my ears is flat on the very top where I was squashed next to my twin in the womb. Oh and I'm a twin. (See how I worked that in there...)

Fart - No agenda here, I just think they are hilarious.

Gluten-free - I have Celiac disease so no gluten (cake, bread, pasta, basically everything awesome) for me.

Harry Potter expert - Not even kidding. Ask me anything. I dare ya.

Incendio - See above answer. That was me setting fire to your doubt.

J - First letter of my Dad's name. Love my Dad. And my Mom. My parents are the best.

K - My best friend's first name starts with K. I have great friends.

Lemur - I saw a picture of one of these this morning and they are adorable!

Men - Yeah generally having some issues trusting the whole gender. Not having a lot of luck recently.

No - I've gotten better at saying this, it was only recently added to my vocabulary.

O - Toss up on this one. I could say first letter of ex-husband's name...or I could say orgasm. Considering I enjoy the latter MUCH more than the former and my O was awful at giving me "O"s...I'm gonna go with orgasm.

Penis - Not meaning anything sexual here - unlike the previous reply. See my answer for F, this is just one of those words that still makes me giggle.

Quandary - I think this is a word we should be using more. For instance, realizing I had spelled it wrong and it did not check it...and now wondering how many other things I have missed and whether or not I want to fix them...that's a quandary.

Running - I don't do it. Maybe to save my life. Even then I would just have to out run the person I was with.

Swimming - This I do. I also teach it, love being in the water. I hope in my next life I come back as a mermaid, a fish, or a speedo on the men's Olympic swim team.

Tequila - Ah, my weakness. It makes me talk louder than necessary and do bad things with boys. 

Uh - running out of ideas.

Vegetarian - No meat for me. Cue the suggestive jokes from my friends right about now.

Woman - I can confidently say for all my failings and insecurities that deep in my heart I know I am a strong, independent woman.

X-ray vision - Wouldn't it be awesome if I had x-ray vision?

Young woman reading - Painting by Mary Cassatt, one of my favorites, definitely top ten.

Zebras - I think they are weird. Like imposter horses.


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