The other day, Phoebe and I got caught in after work traffic at Trader Joes and naturally, the aisles were PACKED.  Phoebe prefers to ride IN the cart and that day was no different except this time she was carrying a brand new, giant, magic wand given to her as an early birthday gift.

As we stood in the frozen food section, stuck in cart to cart traffic, a relatively handsome guy suddenly said to me:

GUY:  Boy, I bet she's casting magic spells everywhere.

to which I replied:

JESSICA:  She sure is.

GUY:  Is she your little fairy?

he then asked, to which I immediately thought to reply, "No, but my friend Dave sure is" but instead told him:

JESSICA:  I guess you could say that.

For a moment there I thought this guy was flirting with me only to watch him then turn to the cheese shelf, pick up a wedge of Jarlsburg and eye it pretty much the same way he had me, (only with slightly more lust) However, I was now pumped at the idea that perhaps my being with Phoebe wasn't a total man deterrent after all and as I walked about five feet away, putting me deep into the produce section,  I proceeded to lean down and whisper into her ear:

JESSICA:  Can you use your wand to get mommy a boyfriend?

and so, like all children who want nothing more than to please their parents, Phoebe eagerly waved her wand furiously in a circle and SHOUTED:

PHOEBE:  GET MY MOMMY A BOYFRIEND!!

Why I was surprised at her reaction, I have no idea, but I immediately leaned back into the cart and in very low voice told her:

JESSICA:  Um...baby... you need to say it in a whisper.

The problem was, I neglected to say "an ADULT whisper" so Phoebe, once again, in a voice ONE octave below screaming, waved her wand and said:

PHOEBE:  MY MOMMY WANTS A BOYFRIEND!

I could now feel several people staring at me although I'll never know for sure, because at this point, to me, nothing existed except a bag of carrots I had swiftly picked up and was now eyeing with the same expression of wonder that crosses my face every time I look under the hood of my car.

Being the one in charge, I quickly made an executive decision and decided that on this particular evening,  carrots were to serve as the vegetable portion of our meal even though Phoebe was whining:

PHOEBE:  But I want corn.
JESSICA: We'll do corn next time.
PHOEBE:  Is it because you want a boyfriend?
JESSICA: No, mommy changed her mind. She doesn't want anything.
PHOEBE: MOMMY WANTS A BOYFRIEND NOW!

Now, I seriously considered just abandoning my cart right there in the middle of the store but as humiliated as I felt, I am just that much more lazy and the idea of making this trip again was beyond unappealing. So, I grabbed some hamburger meat and began to make my way towards the check-out counter. We were in the bread/cereal section, just feet away from the cashier when Phoebe began to wave her wand AGAIN! Obviously, I knew what was coming and, why I hadn't thought of this earlier, I don't know, but, before she could open her mouth, I whispered to her.

JESSICA: If you say Mommy wants a boyfriend out loud it won't come true.

to which she responded with a HUGE wave of her wand:

PHOEBE:  I want a pink ballon!

THANK YOU GOD.