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It's taken me quite a long time to be willing to talk about my situation publicly. Given what I do for a living (I'm an executive coach) I have felt that I might be criticized or considered an imposter for not having my personal life all figured out. I have felt embarrassed - mostly because of the money issues that have accompanied our shift from a two-income to a one-income family, but also because I have not known how to answer the "what does your husband do?" question comfortably. And I've felt angry - Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? How can he possibly be okay with me supporting him? What happened to the charismatic, successful guy I married? - and I've wanted to try my best to keep my anger to myself.
When I finally did start talking about it, though, I was truly astonished at the number of women and the intensity of emotion that accompanied the topic. I began tentatively by testing the idea with a few close friends - in every case they offered to connect me with people they knew who could relate. I spoke with a few of these connections and felt less alone, so I ventured further. I posted discussion topics on a number of LinkedIn group boards - and WHOOSH! - a torrential downpour of comments. By this time I was feeling pretty bold, and at the same time intrigued - so I asked everyone who posted a comment whether I could interview them. Sure enough, every single one said yes.
So after reading hundreds of comments and interviewing dozens of women, I not only have some ideas about how to better handle my own situation, but I think I've got some useful and unique insights to share with others in this "breadwinner wife" situation. I'll share them as I form them, and in the meantime if you've got your own to add, please comment/post here and share with us. If I've learned one thing from the conversations I've had so far, it's that this "not-traditional" relationship configuration is still new enough to be uncomfortable and challenging, even for those of us who truly love what we do and who are thrilled to be really spreading our wings professionally.
More to follow!
