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Hi! I'm Julie, otherwise known as Jules. If you took Julia Child, Fannie Brice, June Cleaver, and Wierd Al Yankovic and mixed them in a blender, I am...
 
 
 
 

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Kids' Birthday Parties and Food Allergies

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birthday party at the gymnasiumAt the grocery store the other day, I overheard a woman talking with another woman about her child's upcoming birthday party. She rambled on about how difficult it would be to accommodate one of the children coming to the birthday party, who was on a gluten-free diet. She complained that she wished that they had not invited the child, since it would be "such a pain" to accommodate their dietary needs.

I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but held my tongue. Was it the child's fault that they had a food allergy? Did that woman ever look at it from the child's point of view? Did they ask for this difficulty? No. These children know they are different. It must be embarrassing for them to deal with such a unique allergy in the public eye. Instead of complaining, this woman should have been compassionate of the difficult situation, as well as the health risks, that these children have to deal with on a daily basis. For these children and their families, it is not just an inconvenience; it is a matter of sickness, or even death.

I am fortunate to have a child without food allergies. But, I live in the real world (most of the time), and in that world, there are people around us who do have special dietary needs. We have kids at our house all the time, and I would hate to have one of these kids get sick because of something I mistakenly fed them. It would also break my heart if they could no longer come to our house, just because I could not be bothered to accommodate them a little bit. They would feel left out, and my son would miss out on a friendship.

As moms, we need to know what to do when situations like this arise, so below are a few of my suggestions.

1. I send most of our party invitations online. When emailing the invitations to parents, I specifically ask if their child has any allergies, or dietary needs that I should be aware of.

2. If a child attending our party has an allergy, I call the parents to find out what I can do to accommodate their child. I find out if their allergy requires the use of an Epi-Pen. Fortunately, I know how to use an Epi-pen from my student teaching/PTA volunteering days. It is important for you to know how to use an Epi-Pen if you have kids in your house, with any type of allergy (not just food).

3. I also Google the type of allergy that the child has, so I am knowledgeable of the foods they can, and cannot eat, the symptoms they may have should they accidentally ingest an allergen, and anything else that would help the child be more comfortable and safe in our home.

4. I make an effort to provide additional "safe" foods. I plan out my menus ahead of time, so I send the parents (of the child with allergies) a copy of the menu, with additional dietary adjustments, for their approval.

5. Once I know a child's allergy, I keep a small file with their name, as well as a list of approved and unapproved foods. Most certainly, that child will come to our house again, so I would be able to refer to that file in the future, without going through the same procedure with the parents each time. I keep that file folder with my cookbooks.

6. Don't alienate the child, or make a big deal about their allergy. If you have already spoken to the parents, they have also talked to their child, so the child already knows what they can and cannot eat. Don't embarrass them by pointing out the accommodations you have made, especially in front of other children.

7. Within those dietary limits, offer foods that everyone can eat. One of my sons friends, who comes to all our parties, is on a gluten-free diet. I always keep Pirates Booty, a gluten-free snack, in the house, so everyone can snack on it, not just Lily. I also found that the frozen sorbet in real fruit shells

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dimsumanddoughnuts 5 pts

I can't stop reading your stuff! The thing is, I'm a little scared about you reading mine. You're so nice and I'm not. My husband owns an overnight camp for kids so I know ALL about food allergies but when it comes to my kid's birthday parties, I never even consider other kids and their allergies (I told you I was mean--or maybe that is just me being busy). I figure if a kid has an allergy, the parent will let me know and I'll take it from there (and do whatever I need to do to make the kid comfy). If I don't hear from anyone, it's pizza and cake for everyone!

Robyn writes for www.dimsumanddoughnuts.com ( http://www.dimsumanddoughnuts.com ) where she serves up a little bit of everything. Everything except food.

agales 5 pts

That lady at the grocery should realize that anyone could become allergic in any moment, so the next "pain" could be her own child, or herself! It's amazing to see how things change when we are directly involved!

iwonderandiwander 5 pts

Kudos to you for doing these things to make life a little simpler for the families daeling with allergies and restrictions. And thanks for sharing them! It does take extra work and is "such a pain" to figure these things out, but those kids and families have to do that every single day. Your solutions are practical and doable and probably make the families so happy to be dealing with someone who gets it. I will definitely spread the word about your post!

MealMixer 5 pts

There are a lot of good points here. I think ice cream sundaes are the way to go. You can get coconut based ice creams for the kids who can't have dairy or soy, and then have at it with sprinkles and other toppings. Personally, I enjoy the challenge of cooking for people who are outside out my normal routine.

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )

GFDoctor 7 pts

Being the kid that can't have the typical foods for a snack or party is hard. Thank you so much for bringing your good social graces to these interactions.

My twin girls went gluten free in kindergarten. Being the social butterflies they are meant a lot of education on my part for all the parents involved in a play date or party.
Nothing has stopped them from participating in all facets of youth sports, Girl Scouts and fun. They simply learned to educate adults along the way. They've even attended a week of sleep away camp!

I discovered a way to pack a single decorated cupcake along to school or a party. Whenever there was an event,one was grabbed from the freezer and it would defrost by desert.
But you know that the parents who made the effort to reach out and find out what was appropriate for the girls were the ones I'll always be grateful for in life.

Now that they are 12, they are true advocates for this diet, and can rattle off the reasons, causes and possible contaminants with ease.
They're even beginning to write recipes for friends and neighbors. Katie even won a blue ribbon for her brownie recipe at the County fair. In a brownie class, not a gluten free division.

elizabethmh59 5 pts

I am not yet a mother but hope to be soon. Thank you for sharing this article. There were quite a few things that I will use in the future. Great ideas and practical advice.

hudak-collins 5 pts

My daughter has Celiac and food allergies. She has been left out of A LOT of things simply because of the above mentioned 'attitude'. I wish more people were educated on specialty diets and with time, it will come. But for now, we just have to deal with it.
I believe though, if I had been in the store, I probably would have taken the opportunity to educate that woman on that providing a gluten-free snack for that child and preventing cross-contamination wasn't as difficult as she may have thought and given her some suggestions.
Great post! I have shared it with my fb friends:)
Thanks for sharing!

( http://www.mylivesignature.com )

JeanettesHealthyLiving 7 pts

Thank you for this wonderful post. As a mother of a child with new food allergies, I am thankful to people like you who are so empathetic and accommodating. It is hard enough for a child to feel "normal" when they can't eat what everyone else is. The last thing they want is to be singled out for being different. I usually feed my son before he goes to a party; that way, no one has to worry.

Jeanette

meliann 5 pts

I think it's wonderful that people are willing to accommodate for a child's food allergies. However, one thing that needs to be understood is that for those of us who's kids have life threatening food allergies, we may not be able to take the risk of our child eating food that was prepared out of our control. I've found that those who don't deal with allergies on a daily basis generally don't understand the danger of cross contamination. For that reason, I always bring treats for my son when we are eating away from home. I mention this because I hope anyone that is hosting a child with allergies wouldn't be offended by the child's parent bringing food in lieu of what is being served at the party.

Tropic of Mom 5 pts

My son, who is 4, has multiple food allergies. All of our friends know it, yet haven't ever offered to change their party menu or provide something he can eat. So to read that some people actually do this is kind of shocking. I have brought things for him to eat at parties, but most of the time, it's just easier to feed him at home first. I have turned down party invitations because I just didn't want to deal with the food issue -- because my son is 4, he isn't aware he was invited in the first place. Or, sometimes we leave before the food is served. I also have skipped many playdates that are centered around food.

Holly

Tropic of Mom

http://www.tropicofmom.com 

kaherbert 5 pts

You sound like a wonderful host, and the parents' of your children's friends sound like reasonable sane people.

I wouldn't be so fast to condemn the mother from the supermarket. She may well have been dealing with a parent that expected all food at the party be gluten free. Or she might have thought she had to have gluten free cake instead of grandma's recipe that her child wanted.

My young cousin tested positive to gluten. His parents bring safe for Cam food to parties. It is easier now because he just tested negative to gluten and the other allergies he was earlier diagnosed with. Now they are just left with peanuts, which our family is used to.

His older brother and cousins are very protective of him and me (the other peanut allergic person). All three older kids have peanut allergic kids in the classroom and they all tend to warn people X snack has peanuts so you need to wash your hands.

Yes it can suck to be the person who has different food. Honestly I never had a problem with it because I remembered having an allergic reaction. Those of us with food allergies need to learn to ask questions, refuse food, and listen to our gut reaction.

For example I can die from touching something with peanut residue, so I always wear long sleeves, long pants, and closed toe shoes to football, baseball games and the rodeo.

My parents only asked our neighbors in the stands to be careful about where they deposited their peanut shells. In decades of going there has been 1 confrontation with some drunk teens. Security hauled them out. Every other person I encountered was happy to accommodate me. That is hundreds of people.

amnichols 8 pts

At my daughter's birthday party yesterday, one of the moms sent in her twins with their own snacks since they can't have eggs - and she assumed the cake we had would have eggs in it. (It was a DQ ice cream cake, and I'm pretty sure the cookie layer had eggs as an ingredient.)

I would have been happy to provide the two girls with some fruit or other goodies they could eat, and frankly felt a bit guilty that they didn't have something more special that crackers to nosh on. Since I have food sensitivities and my daughter has food allergies, I totally get it and would have been happy to make a little extra effort for our guests.

Still, I appreciated that the mom of these two girls took it upon herself to make sure her kids had the right food for them.

It's all about being a good guest AND being a good host/hostess. So I love your idea about including a blurb on the invite to let the party planner know about food allergies. I will do that in the future, for sure.

Find me at This Mama Cooks, This Mama Cooks Reviews or at The Write Spot.

Small Town Mommy 5 pts

My daughter could have been the child that parents was talking about. She has a wheat and dairy allergy so she is on a gluten-free diet. For birthday parties, I usually bring her a cupcake but I have to say, I am thrilled when the host has anything she can eat. She went to a birthday party this weekend and the highlight of the party for her was that the host had snacks that she could eat. The mom had asked me what she was allowed to eat and I mentioned one of her favorite snacks. The mom went out of her way to include that snack with the others. With all the fun, activities and goodie bag, all my daughter could talk about was that there was a snack she could actually eat.

Since hers is a new allergy, I know that you don't realize what it is like until you actually have to go through it. Your tips are a wonderful start. If only there were more parents like you and the mom from this weekend, our allergy kids wouldn't come home from things crying because they were left out and would definitely feel more like they are part of the group.

Just_Margaret 8 pts

These are great tips! My kiddos don't have any allergies, but I'm always concerned that we offer their guests food/drinks that they can enjoy.

It's the same for adults--whenever I invite *anyone* for a meal, I inquire as to whether they, or anyone in their family, have any dietary restrictions. It doesn't matter to me if they are a result of allergies, religion, or simply personal preference.

It's not "such a pain"--it's being a gracious host.

~Margaret

Margaret Barney writes at Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com ) and is a contributor at 40 Moms Club ( http://www.40momsclub.com/ ).

Conversation from Twitter

clairenorky
clairenorky

WhatAllergy sarahjchapman if only more people were that accommodating, I dread most kids' parties!

sarahjchapman
sarahjchapman

clairenorky WhatAllergy I found them tricky as a parent, and he hated bringing his own food, until other allergic kids popped up!