Ok so I titling these blogs is for the birds cause I am not sure on how to title them but what I do know is that my first blog was truth from a past that built a very strong and courageous fighting woman who strives to grow each and every day. 

I am not sure where I am going with these all I know is that I am a woman with an addiction disease and it's not curable exceot to acknowledge that it exsists and the longer you ignore it the more damage it can do to you or set you up to do. That being said l come from a broken past most of us do. It's what you do with the broken pieces that matter for me anyway. See lately I could only see the glass half empty, when quite honestly it's always full and for me that can be bad very bad casue then I overwhelm myself and look for the quick fix. Which for me is pills at this time. Because we can always find a ache or pain hell if we want a quick fix bad enough we can imagine it to the doctors. So, for me it's important to talk freely with my husband and keep things on the up and up. When I don't i allow my self to use and that has recently happened and we lost our babies. I am responsilble for that and me only cause I knew better than to take 10 mg Lorcets right after trtansfer of our embryo's. My husband asked why I did and my response was I don't know only that I was overwhelmed and then it came to me. I was afraid that it would fail as all the rest have failed I didn't believe and trust God to keep his promise that he would give us a family. Then I took a home pregnancy test and of course we were pregnant but I knew in my heart because of what I did they wouldn't stay. Thanks addiction for allowing me to be defeated by you, guess what but though I will try again and again until we reach the end result of God and just because I allowed myself to be defeated this time. You can be darn sure that I will be more aware of the Devil who likes to disguise himself in all my addictions. 

That's all I have for today.

Always being amazed by little things, T.Bean


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