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Sparkle (1)
As a birth mother, I was exceptionally interested in this book as it is written by a birth mother, Bunny (Faith) Crumpacker, and an adult adoptee, Jil Picariello. They alternate chapters leading up to and through their reunion, telling their story with a beautiful and complementary flow. I found myself nodding when Bunny was writing, having experienced similar emotions and challenges in my journey. I found myself struggling with some of the things that Jil experienced regarding adoption, wondering if or when my own relinquished daughter would endure the same things. At times I had to put down the book because it was too real, too in my face, but I couldn’t put it down for long. I simply had to finish it; I was so drawn to their words, their shared but separate experience.
I was honored to interview Jil about the process of writing this adoption masterpiece (that’s right, I said masterpiece), about her thoughts on adoption and adoptees’ right to their original birth certificates, and about reunion in general. She was kind enough to share her thoughts on the manner in a way that I think is of interest to book lovers and families alike. Whether or not you have experience with adoption, this book (and the following interview) should be of interest.
Warning: There may be a few spoilers in this interview. Obviously we know that Faith relinquished Jil, but there are a few other things that you may not want to know until you read the book. This serves as your heads up!
1. How did you and your birth mom come up with the idea to combine your stories in a memoir? Did you work together or separately?
I honestly don’t remember whose idea it was. In my memory the idea of writing a book together seems to have sprung into both of our minds simultaneously. After we found each other, and told our stories to friends and family, the universal reaction was, “Wow, that’s an incredible story, you guys should write a book.” And being that we were both writers it seemed like the logical thing to do. As an aside, Faith had two lifelong dreams: to find “The Baby” and publish a book. “The book and The Baby” was her mantra. The day that I found her -- literally that day -- was also the day that she received the contract for her first book.
In terms of how we worked on it, we sketched out the chapters before we started, with a pretty clear outline of what would happen where. Other than each losing a chapter later on in the editing, that ended up being how the story unfolded. We wrote separately, to a schedule that we created, and showed each other a chapter or two at a time. We were each other’s first reader and editor.
2. What's the one thing you want readers of your book to take away from your combined stories? What do you think your birth mom would want them to take away?
First of all, I hope they enjoy reading it and find it an interesting and even a moving story. I also hope that, if they are not someone who has experience with adoption, they learn a bit about it, and their eyes are opened to the fact that it’s not the magical band-aid so many people pretend it is. And also, for kids who grow up, as I did, feeling so broken, with such a fractured and damaged sense of self -- for those who don’t fit in and feel that it’s entirely their fault -- maybe they can see that we don’t always have to feel that way, and life can have happier endings in store. I would never presume to tell someone what to do, but I would encourage any adoptee considering searching to do so. Whatever it is they fear is unlikely to be any worse than the emptiness of not knowing who you are and where you come from.
I don’t feel comfortable answering for Faith. I know that,
