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Sparkle (4)
This is an excerpt from my blog 100 Days In Bed where I chronicle fighting my way out of a depression by doing one fun, exciting, "out of my comfort zone" activity a week as a way to get back to my old happy me after the death of my cousin, the loss of my job and boyfriend and my mother's illness - all which happened in a matter of months.
Is your life stale? Boring? Are you stressed? Job, boyfriend, back fat got you down?
Then you need to do something crazy, spontaneous and out of your comfort zone in order to remember what is so easy to forget...
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.
As most of you know, when life was bringing me down and I found it easier to crawl under the covers with a bag of Cheetos than face all my problems, I made a promise to try one fun, "get out of my rut" (or at least my bed) activity a week that would shake my life up and remind me who I was.
Last week, out of the Adventure Bowl, I picked, "Today you will take trapeze lessons."
What really surprised me the most is how high 30 feet can feel up off the air. (Or maybe it was 1000 feet... okay, it was only 30.) My heart started to pound like it knew something I didn't.
"Um, what is your refund policy?"
The cashier raised his eye brow, "If you don't wanna do it, don't do it." Oh, I want to do it, I said. I would just like to see your past ten years of safety records. That seems like a normal request, right? It's not that I'm scared (I am so fucking scared), I just want to be safe. He rolled his eyes. There was a challenge in that eye roll.
Fine, I'll do it. Just to prove it to eye roll-y guy. But just to be safe, I tucked my insurance card in my side pocket. Along with directions to the nearest hospital.
The instructor at the top had me chalk my hands and then he wanted me to inch out on the platform. I use the word "platform" loosely because it was about half the size of a dental bib.
"Um, what is your refund policy again?"
The instructor was amazingly encouraging but there was no way I was jumping to my death and then paying for it.
No. No way. Forget it.
I felt chunky. I felt weak in my body. I knew I could swing but I'd never be able to dangle from my legs or pike up or grab the opposite swing. It wasn't going to happen. For me, if I'm going to do something, I want to do it big. I want to be perfect. I want to do what all these other girls are doing.
I said: "I'll never be able to do anything but swing."
My instructor said: "You have to start somewhere."
Right. Okay. Light bulb moment. Oprah Ah-Ha moment. The whole point in coming was to try something different. To be thrilled. To see a fear and kick it in the face.
To let go.
So I did.
I let go.
And IT WAS AWESOME. Amazing. There are no words. I was so damn proud of myself. Smiling as I free fell into the net.
Do it. Take a trapeze lesson. Or a dance lesson. Or something, anything you haven't done before. Lose yourself then gain yourself. Have that feeling of "Yes, I did it!"
And then imagine all the things you are afraid of, and then know you don't have to be afraid of them anymore because you did this... this impossible thing that you thought you'd never do because of the fear.
I feel so strong today. Strong, like I want to take that incredible trapeze feeling and go after some things I've been afraid to do. Stand up for myself with the boss, the ex-boyfriend... and that lady who keeps letting her dog crap on my lawn.
Look out world! I'm coming for you!
Do you have any adventures that you want to do? Something that will make you feel strong and invincible and add zest to your life? Let me know and I just might add it to my Adventure Bowl!
