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My friend BJ says that the best way to be a successful singleton is to practice, and that once I have five or six years of being solo on my own, I’ll be a whiz at both being alone and dating (doesn’t sound that reassuring, does it?) That may be the case, but as a relatively new single person and as a truly inexperienced dater, I’ve encountered a number of things men who do that seem truly inexplicable; I’ve also heard complaints from guys about things women do that drive them equally nuts.
With that, here’s my top ten list of things I wish men would be born knowing NOT to do.
- Don’t put up a ten year old photo and think I’ll be okay once I see your smiling face and experience your crushing charm. There’s nothing about saying you’re 49 when you’re really 57 that’s going to lead to hugs, kisses or a second date.
- Don’t send me naked pictures of any part of your body, ever. If I don’t even know your name, I don’t want to know what your pink bits look like.
- If you’re married and dating, get that out right at the start. This may sound hard to believe, but most single women don’t want to meet married guys online. Oddly enough, they want to meet the ones who don’t have wives and live-in girl friends, alright?
- Resist the urge to lie big-time about how much money you make. I understand that for men, fibbing about their income is the same as women concealing their actual weight, but saying you make over $150,000 a year when it’s more like $40,000 won’t wind up anywhere good.
- Understand that I am going to want to know your real name, where you work and a phone number before I get all interested in you. If you’re supplying me with fake data ‘cause you’re cautious, tell me before our second date, or I will think you’re dishonest.
- Sex. Don’t assume we’re going to have it. Or that we’re not. It really depends on how things evolve between us, not the number of dates.
- Please don’t use the word Rescue in the headline of your profile. Similarly, knight in shining armor sounds like you’re over-promising. Really.
- Know that if you are one of those men who go to mainstream dating sites and post that they are recently divorced and just want to have fun (which means NSA sex), you are not going to get much of a response…from real women, I mean.
- “It’s complicated” is not a marital state—as my friend Patty says “No one in their right mind dates anyone in the middle of a breakup.”
- Remember it’s not a contest, a war, a strategy game or a business transaction: the goals are love & happiness, so act accordingly.
What drives you crazy about the men—and/or women—you date? Rules of the road to share?
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