In the Hospital, I Became "That Mom"

I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and your child. Bravo!

My daughter is almost 30 now, but yes I was, and still am "that mom" and now, I am "That Nana" too.

I was a single parent and my little one was in NICU when I discovered my ability to be "That Mom" and I never looked back. lol

I was the one that said "why can't she wear gym shorts over sweatpants - the boys do, and the one that said, "No, I don't think she needs that shot, or test" etc. Sometimes it is hard to be "That Mom", but trust yourself and your instincts, being "That Mom" takes courage and conviction, but you will know when it is important. (((HUGS))

Great post. I have always been a very shy and quiet person so when I become a Mom I have found myself put in positiions like this as well where even though I am not comfortable in that role, you don't have a choice. You have to be that person for your child. Maybe nothing would happen but if it did and you could have done something about, you would never forgive yourself. You did the right thing.

Alaina http://www.telecommutingmommies.com

I am the most easily bullied person in the world, unless someone I love is mistreated in any way.

I became "that daughter" when my severely diabetic father, who had already lost both legs to the disease, was hospitalized. He was completely helpless, and his chart showed that he showed no interest in any kind of food and was steadily losing weight. When we were there with him, he seemed VERY hungry but was too weak to talk to us. Things seemed fishy (okay, two of the nurses and all of the orderlies were in my study hall years before and all of them were. . . . not great citizens back then.) I sat in a chair back in the shadows and watched as the orderly brought Dad a tray of food, put it on the table, and left the room. Half an hour later, someone returned and removed the untouched food; wrote "patient refused food" on his chart and almost crapped her pants when I cleared my throat.

"Just so you understand," she stammered, "we're extremely understaffed."

I replied, "Just so you understand: if anything like this EVER happens again, I'll sue you each individually and as a business unit."

We never left Dad unattended, ever again, in the hospital.

The very next night, the patient in the next bed, a very elderly gentleman with Alzheimer's, began to cry and flail about. Two nurses came in and tied his hands and feet to the bed. A few minutes later, his tray was brought in and put on his table. Not long after, his untouched tray was removed.

We had Dad transferred to another hospital the next day.

I know this kind of thing isn't ordinary; most of the care Dad received from the OTHER hospital was exceptionally gentle and loving. However, it behooves us all to trust our instincts when things involving our loved ones seem "fishy" in any way.

P.S. That man who removed his mask after the nurse left is an ass, plain and simple. And I am using "ass" as a euphemism.

"Don't be content with being average. Average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top."

Jane blogs as "Mamacita" at Scheiss Weekly, ( http://janegoodwin.net/ )hitting the fan like nobody can.

It is hard to stand up for yourself as a woman in our society. It's harder to stand up for someone else. But bravo and a standing ovation to you for standing up for your defenseless little bundle of joy.

Our children count on us to protect them. I don't care that I come across as "that mom" either. I've never had a life-threatening situation but I've had plenty of times when I've had to speak up for my kids. And I will continue to do so with, even with my last dying breathe.

Because I didn't have kids to just raise them alright. I had kids to give them the best life possible, and if I have step on some adults toes, sorry but that's life. And I assume, and remind people, gently at first, they would do the same for their kid.

I hope your little one is getting better. Go, Mama!

Oh, hugs. I haven't had such a (potentially) life-or-death experience, but I definitely relate to the struggle to find the balance between advocating for your child and being afraid of being a "bother."

Sounds like you've got it figured out. Good thoughts your way!

blogging with love at Unlikely Origins: How a Computer Geek, a Writer, and an Opinionated Toddler Form a Family. ( http://unlikelyorigins.blogspot.com/ )

In my book, protecting your kids is one of the key job requirements of being a mom. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

I have two teenagers, and I have been THAT mom for years. My kids (and their friends and the kids who live on my street) often hear the following from me:

"Put on your helmet if you're going to ride that bike."
"Don't run in the street."
"Stop that rough-housing before someone gets hurt."

Friends and in-laws may roll their eyes, but I'd rather that than stand by while some child is injured.

~ Dawn

Check out my blogs:

A little step towards green ( http://alittlesteptowardsgreen.blogspot.com/ )
Life at the moment ( http://onemomentplease6751.blogspot.com/ )

The Other Me ( http://sashabreeze.blogspot.com/ )

When my twins were in the NICU I was forced to be "that mom" a couple of times. I dont regret it for a second. Actually the only thing I do regret is not speaking up more.

Hope they continue to listen to you and take your concerns seriously. {{hug}} it can be rough in there sometimes.

And that is really all I need to say.

tara

More of me at: http://iwantthursdays.blogspot.com

A week after my daughter {16 months old at the time} was diagnosed with cancer and we were enduring the many, many tests for her the nurse who was assigned to our case fell asleep on the job. There my baby laid on a table, sedated, while the nurse who was supossed to be watching the monitors slept. I was outraged! Needless to say that nurse is no longer allowed near my daughter or myself for that matter.

We are the best advocates for our children and for ourselves. Good job!

I've been in the hospital this week. My son is having a biopsy. I've been fighting the medical community for weeks -- pleading for them to see that he was really really really sick.

I came to the hospital and the triage nurse knew immediately that he was very sick. She fought for him. They were going to discharge me and I wouldn't leave.

Now, three days later, I became the "brilliant" mom who knew....if only they would have listened. I knew. I knew. I knew.

My son? He's 15 months old. And is being diagnosed with Celiac Disease. And he was deathly sick. They told me it was the flu. Or constipation.

I knew.

Thank you for being that mom and for sharing. God bless you.

http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot.com

Yes, I have experienced a similar situation, and I also became "That Mom." I have no regrets, and let me tell you, it was one of the proudest moments of my life.

I say that because not only did I request the move, I found out that my husband talked to the "charge nurse" and explained the situation in more detail.

My son is now 9, and I have found that being assertive and asking questions, is the best way to go!

Keep up the excellent parenting! :)

My daughter-in-law has one child, greatly waited, longed and fought for. She would tell you to SPEAK up to that respiratory therapist who is not showing kindness to your daughter. I think she would say, "Tell him it could be his own daughter lying there, needing loving help to breathe. Give him suggestions on how to be gentle. The next patient's parents will thank him for being so kind."
Always speak UP. Gently, but BE That Mom because no one else will speak up for your child. That's why You are their parent. You can do it.

Your job is to advocate for your daughter. Let your friends and family 'like' you. Being 'that mom,' or 'that kind of girl,' or 'that bitch'...isn't necessarily always a bad thing.

You go girl! [And the best to you and your family!]

Meredith Groenevelt

www.buenobaby.com ( http://www.buenobaby.com )

I've done the hospital thing with children and with my own mother. The thing to keep in mind is that to hospital workers, even nurses and doctors, our loved ones are part of "the job" to some of them. It's up to us to make them more human, more real. So when my mother was in the hospital in a coma, I put up pictures of her being active and holding her grandchildren. With the baby I had pictures of his siblings. You can find a way to do that too! But don't be afraid to speak up. You are paying a lot for quality care even if it is through insurance. So speak up politely but firmly.

I think you are also within your rights to tell the flu family to keep it covered or to have your daughter moved. If your baby gets sick, you'll be the one to deal with it, not them.

Good for you for being a good advocate for your baby!

Elena,

"If you bungle raising your children, nothing else much matters." Jackie Kennedy

Many years ago, I was in the hospital. I was 19 and completely paralyzed from a very obscure neurological illness.

My mom came down from Anchorage to Seattle and stayed in the hospital. She, too, had to balance goodwill and holding her tongue.

But, despite being 19 years older than your daughter, I was about as helpless. I couldn't speak and so she literally had to speak for me.

By and large, the hospital workers were great. But in a couple of cases, my mom loosened her tongue, and it was a big deal.

Like when they were trying to avoid pneumonia so they would "percuss" me. Aka, hold a shaking gadget to my back which would shake me, thereby shaking loose any gunk in my lungs.

Not a huge deal -- until I had had a stomach tube put in, which means they drilled through abdominal muscle. And a worker still wanted to percuss me.

My mom suggested a compromise: She'd have them drill through HIS abs and then she'd use the percusser on him. If he thought it was okay, then he could use it on me.

He left the room rather quickly after that.

My point, I suppose, is that you should not feel bad for wanting your daughter safe and comfortable. It's always good to phrase it gently when possible. But a good nurse understands that your main instinct is to protect your child against anything and everything you can.

And, frankly, you're a better person than I am. I would have marched over to the dad who'd taken his mask off and told him point blank that my daughter had lung problems and so he was endangering her life. So he would either put it on or eat it. Either way, it was going somewhere near his face!

such a beautiful and honesty written post, thank you. i agree with you 100%.

i went through a similar "battle" with my daughter who was intubated at 3 years old from an asthma attack gone horribly wrong. i blogged about it and even now as i write this i have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal.

i too had many questions along the way, many of which went unanswered, and many of which left me wondering what i could have done differently. at the same time i was alarmed by some of the reactions i received from hospital staff leading up to that moment when i heard the words, "code blue" in my daughter's hospital room.

when we were finally airlifted via helicopter from one hospital to another, and spent the first of many days in critical care, but not before the breathing tube was shortly removed [apparently a breathing tube is the last thing an asthmatic requires], i recall saying to my husband that we can't rely on anybody else to be as vigilante, or to advocate for our children on our behalf. we soon made a 'pact' that that "job" belongs to us. i've never looked back since. in fact, on the rare occasion that my now 5 yo daughter does visit the emergency department for an asthma attack, i often experience a little hostility from the triage nurses who dare to tell me that my daughter can "wait" while they assess her.

all this to say that in some cases primary care-givers really do know best. and that we shld always trust our own instincts in matters concerning the health of our children. at the same time i too sometimes 'defer' to the experts & yet it's vital to keep the lines of communication open without being meant to feel as if you are "that mom!" [i also ask a great many questions which depending on the healthcare provider elicits a warm response or an irritated brush off. no matter, it's my child and i'm sticking to them!]

take care,
xbolaji

You did the right thing. You are the best, and sometimes only, advocate for your child. Speak up, do what you have to do. Ask to be moved. It's your child.

Domestic Engineer, Total Babe and SAHM

With both of my boys and all three of my pregnancies (very complicated pregnancies), I had to swallow my fear of being That Mom and take on the very role you're talking about here. Trust me: While they may get annoyed with you from time to time, hospital staff members greatly prefer families who care about their children to families who seemingly do not.

Keep up the good work, Mama.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and photographer.

You politely asked to change rooms?

You didn't tell the medical staff to be more gentle or you'd beat them with the IV pole? I'd say you're fine.

I know what it is to have to walk that fine line between being a vocal advocate for my child and being an obnoxious parent that makes the school or hospital staff cower in fear at the very mention of my name.

Sadly...I lean toward the latter. I take it as a compliment when I see the Assistant Superintendent for the school district sitting in my IEP meeting as an attempt to intimidate me. Foolish mortals.

When it comes to the well-being or future of your child...other people's feelings come in second. Come to think of it...other people's feelings are WAY down the list.

I would've told that dad to put his mask back on. I would've said...I'm sorry if I seem overly obsessive to you, but this is my baby and one bad little germ could kill her, so put that mask back on or I will call the nurse.

A parent with a child in the NICU gets a pissy-pass.
Abbie

It's so hard for me to speak up with people of authority, but I'm so glad you did it. Respectfully, but nevertheless.

You have to be that mom.

Even when there will be eye rolling and talk about you in the break-room, teachers lounge etc... you know you have to.

Although I'm pretty non-confrontational my children and their health being in question crosses the line. I was that mom in an ER when a male nurse was not capable of understanding my 3yo child did not need her rectal temperature taken and asked for her to be removed from his care. Pissing off one professional that isn't responding to a patients needs appropriately is no longer a fear of mine. I've been that mom many times since. It's my job.

Good for you, you were right to be THAT mom.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

Gosh, I didn't have the very good reasons that you do to be "that" mom, but I had others that you may some day.

I was "that" mom that checked up on the daycare references and dropped in unannounced.

I was "that" mom that asked prospective play date parents if there was a gun in the house and hosted at my house if the answer was yes.

I am "that" mom that calls the parents of my teenagers friends to confirm plans, parental supervision, etc.

As someone who never liked confrontation, as someone who always was a "pleaser" first, this did not come easy, but if I didn't stand up for my kids, who would?

(Coco blogs at Running with Perseverence at http://got2run4me.wordpress.com)
@Twitter: CocosFight2BFit

We talk about so many things as mothers but we do not teach how to be powerful, tough -- the advocates for our children. We are "that mom" if we do.

I'm with you, though. A doctor went too far with my two-month old son's foreskin, pushing it so hard that he started crying. I had this awful feeling and wanted to attack the doctor. For the next 5 days the tip of my son's penis was swollen -- which could have impeded his ability to urniate. I reported the incident. Nothing really happened but I got an apology letter.

I learned about that feeling though then and later on the playground. I will tell other people's kids to stop horsing around when they can hurt someone.

I can say today very proudly that I am "that mom" through and through.

We reward men and create monuments when they display great protective abilities but marginalize our mothers when they behave the same way.

That is why moms are the ultimateoutcasts...

Heather blogs about Motherhood & Other Offensive Situations at http://www.ultimateoutcasts.com.