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SOME HEAVY CONVERSATION ON THE WAY. WE TALKED ABOUT THE KISS AND HIM STALKING ME.I DID TELL HIM I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT THE STALKING PART, BUT TOLD HIM I ALSO TRUSTED HIM. HE GRABBED ME BY MY HAIR AND PULLED ME TO HIM, HIS KISS WAS HARD AND DESPERATE, I COULD FEEL MY HEART JUMP AS HE HELD ME TIGHTER THAN I HAD EVER BEEN HELD. HE KISSED ME IN A WAY I HAD NEVER BEEN KISSED. I FELT SO GOOD TO BE KISSED THAT PASSIONATELY. AFTER THE KISS, HE STILL HELD ME AND SAID HE JUST WANTED A TRUE FRIEND, SOMEONE WHO DID’NT JUDGE HIM.(OOPS TOO LATE FOR THAT…LOL), SOMEONE TO BE HONEST WITH, SOMEONE TO KNOW WHO HE REALLY WAS, NOT WHAT EVERYONE EXPECTED OF HIM. HIS HOPES AND DREAMS, AND HIS DEEPESTS DESIRES AND FEARS. WELL, WE ALL WOULD LIKE THAT AND THINK WE WILL GET THAT IN OUR MARRIAGES, BUT THE TRUTH IS I REALLY HAD NO INTEREST IN ANYTHING LARRY FELT OR THOUGHT, BUT, I DID WANT TO KNOW JIM. I WANTED HIM TO KNOW ME IN THE SAME WAY ALSO. I SEIZED MY OPPORTUNITY AND ASKED HIM IF HE EVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE OR HAD AN AFFAIR. HE SAID, “NO, NEVER”. HUH, I GUESS I WAS WRONG ABOUT THE AFFAIR. I NEVER HAD EITHER, SO I KIND OF FELT A BOND TO HIM KNOWING THAT MAYBE WE DID HAVE A SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP. RIGHT HERE!!!! THIS IS THE FIRST STEP IN DESTROYING YOUR MARRIAGE…GIVING SOMEONE ELSE WHAT YOU SHOULD BE GIVING YOUR SPOUSE! THE MORE YOU GIVE TO THE MAN YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH, THE MORE YOU TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE . IT WAS HAPPENING AND I COULD NOT EVEN SEE IT AT THE TIME. WE GOT TO THE PARK AND PARKED, IT WASN’T LONG BE FOR WE WERE KISSING, HE HELD ME SO TIGHT, AND KISSED ME SO PASSIONATELY. HIS HAND CREPT UP MY TOP, AND I PULLED BACK. I TOLD HIM, I WOULD NOT CROSS THAT LINE. “WHAT LINE WAS I TALKING ABOUT?” I ALREADY CROSSED A LINE, BUT IN MY MIND (JUSTIFYING AGAIN) AS LONG AS I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM IT WAS OK. HE DID STOP AND LISTEN TO ME, AND DID NOT PUSH IT. I REALLY MEANT IT AT THE TIME, I WOULD NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. HE SAID “OK HE UNDERSTOOD, AND JUST DID NOT WANT TO LOSE MY FRIENDSHIP”, THAT WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM. YEP, I BELIEVED HIM. I TRULY WANTED SOMEONE SPECIAL TOO, SO I TRUSTED HIM NOT TO PUSH ME. WE JUST SNUGGLED TOGETHER AND TALKED FOR A FEW MORE HOURS. HE TOOK ME HOME IN TIME TO PICK UP THE BOYS FROM SCHOOL.
IT WAS BACK TO BEING MOM AND WIFE, THE LIFE I TRULY LOVED. FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY, I ASKED THE BOYS IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO SURPRISE THEIR DAD WITH A CANDLE LIGHT DINNER WHEN HE GOT HOME FROM WORK. THEY WERE REALLY EXCITED AND HELPED ME SET THE TABLE. JEROD AND SETH KEPT A WATCH OUT FOR HIM, WHEN HE PULLED IN THE DRIVE WAY I LET JEROD LIGHT THE CANDLES AND SETH TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS. LARRY WAS REALLY TOUCHED AND TRULY APPRECIATED THE GESTURE. HE LIKED THINGS LIKE THAT, BECAUSE HE KNEW HE LOVED ME IN A MUCH DIFFERENT WAY THAN I LOVED HIM. SO, ANY EFFORT I MADE TO SHOW LOVE AND APPRECIATION THRILLED HIM. THIS WORKED OUT GOOD TOO, BECAUSE THEN I COULD HAVE SOME WINE AND THAT WOULD GET ME THROUGH THE SEX LATER. LIKE I SAID IT WAS OK, I ALWAYS WAS SATISFIED, BUT JUST DID NOT LIKE TO BE INTIMATE WITH HIM. MEANING, I DID NOT WANT TO KISS, DO IT WITH THE LIGHT ON, OR LET HIM TOUCH MY BREAST. I DON’T KNOW WHY, I HATED TO HAVE MY BREAST TOUCHED BY HIM, I LOST SO MUCH RESPECT FOR HIM, BUT AT THE SAME TIME LOVE HIM FOR TAKING CARE OF ME AND THE BOYS. IT WAS LIKE I HAD OUTGROWN HIM AS A MAN, BUT NEEDED HIM AND HIS LOVE FOR ME. BUT, I DID NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY. MANY TIMES I CRIED WHEN HE WAS HAMMERING AWAY AT ME, BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT HIM TO TOUCH ME. I HATED IT, BUT I DID NOT HATE HIM.
