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Yesterday was the last day of National Singles Week (Sept 21st-27th), described as a time to celebrate “the lives and contributions of unmarried and single Americans.” While I like the idea of calling attention to the advantages of being single, the past few days I’ve been thinking about the other side.
A married friend told me a few months ago that sometimes I make being single sound like the best thing in the world -- like I was coming across as a single gal cheerleader (“Rah, rah! Being single is rad!”) as I talked about all the great things I could accomplish in life because I didn’t have anyone holding me back.
While I don’t mind coming across as a proponent of the single life, I don’t think being single is necessarily the best choice for everyone. It’s true that it’s more acceptable to be single today, and more people are staying single longer than ever before simply because they want to. But when I talk about the advantages of being single, what I’m really trying to say is that a woman should be strong enough to know she’ll be okay no matter what her relationship status.
There are many, many reasons I could give for why I like being single, and why I’d much rather be single than unhappily coupled. (The biggest advantage I can think of is something I’ve written about many times: freedom. If I wanted to start a new life somewhere else, I could wrap things up here pretty quickly and be on my way. I’d be the sole person making that decision.) But I do think it’s important to show both sides.
On the flip side, one of the negatives of being single and able to “do anything you want?” Sometimes it’s just not as much fun to do things by yourself. Yesterday I was all set to go the National Book Festival in DC -- I’d announced my intention on my blog the day before, I went to the gym that morning, cleaned my apartment, took a shower -- all with the intention of going to the festival by mid-afternoon.
So I got dressed, packed a bag, started walking down the sidewalk outside my place -- and then I turned right back around and went inside. I just couldn’t do it. It may seem strange to get completely prepared and then change my mind, but that’s what happened. I didn’t feel like walking to the Metro by myself. I didn’t feel like taking the 20-30 minute train ride into the city by myself. I didn’t feel like walking around by myself. My roommate had been there earlier in the day and she said it was really crowded, and...guess what? I didn’t want to deal with that by myself either.
I’m not trying to make this into a woe-is-me scenario. The truth is, I do things by myself all the time without a problem. I’m used to it. I travel alone, I exercise alone, I run errands alone. If my car starts making funny noises, I’m the one who has to deal with it. It’s just that...as much as I enjoy my big-picture freedom, sometimes the day-to-day stuff is a different story -- and this means sometimes I’d rather stay home if the alternative is going somewhere by myself. (Ahem. When I say I’d “rather stay home,” please note this generally means I’m doing something productive. I’m not sitting around, watching TV, eating junk and feeling sorry for myself.)
The thing is, I realize there are pros and cons to any situation. Someone in a happy, serious relationship could list theirs just as easily as I can list mine. That’s why it seems unproductive to wish yourself into a situation different from where you currently are -- if you get to that place, there’s no guarantee you’ll be any happier. The only thing you can do is accept where you are, who you are, and take advantage of opportunities to grow as a person, and hopefully the rest will follow.
Related Reading:
Bella DePaulo: It's National Singles Week: Here Are 14 Reasons Why We Need It
Lea Lane in My Week to Celebrate Being Single says, “Marrieds who feel sorry for singles who seem lonely should realize that some singles feel sorry for marrieds who seem lonely.”
Spynster57 knew exactly how she was
