- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 0
- 2
-
Sparkle (1)
A few weeks ago, in the car with several girlfriends, the topic of laundry came up. (Because, really, why would a bunch of women finally enjoying some free time together talk about anything else?) I let it fly that I don’t do my husband’s laundry. Some of my friends let out audible gasps. A couple said, “You don’t?” with hands over their hearts. And only one admitted, “Neither do I.”
Was I supposed to feel badly? Why the shock and awe? “I’m not HIS mother,” I explained. His arms and legs aren’t broken. He is capable of twisting the cap of the soap bottle. He has his own hamper. We both work, after all. Just because he gets to escape to an office doesn’t mean he deserves to have someone wash his clothes for him. Does it? I might argue that BECAUSE he gets to go to an office, in public, with other grown-ups, a private bathroom and no diapers, he should do my laundry.
Seriously, though, I do both kids’ laundry and my own, plus all the bath towels, all the dishtowels and cleaning rags, the bed linens. I feel that’s a lot. And enough. I don’t think not cleaning hubby’s dirty clothes means I love him less. We’ve never really talked about the laundry; this is just the way it’s always been. In fact, my husband can fold a pair of pants with military precision and his ironing puts mine to shame every time. Come to think of it, maybe he doesn’t want me doing his laundry! The fact is that his mother taught him to do his laundry. He did it in high school. He did it in college. He did it as a bachelor right out of college. Should he really have stopped just because he got married? Does my DNA some how require I clean clothes? Does my lack of a penis or ability to rock a skirt mean my job description must include laundry? I guess, at our house, we think the answer is no.
At breakfast the other day, a friend told me her husband mentioned that, rather than visiting with friends that morning, she might want to spend the day catching up on laundry as he pointed to the pile of clothes and towels. I have to tell you, that if my husband made that “suggestion” to me, even if we were out of useable towels, he’d probably find his clothes on the front lawn. After all, I don’t follow him to his job and make suggestions about how he manages his time. Although that might be fun…
I hope our little domestic arrangement means we’re raising a boy who grows up realizing his wife doesn’t owe him clean clothes and a daughter who doesn’t believe she’s duty bound to wash a man’s clothes just because she’s, well, a woman.
What’s the balance of chores at your house? Do you have to discuss it? Argue about it? Or did things just sort of fall into place? Am I lunatic wife who is neglecting her husband? Don’t worry, whatever you say, he’s still washing his own clothes.
Editor/writer Brooke Bernard, the mother of two, now understands why her own mom used to shout, “I’m not your maid,” at various members of the family.
Brooke Bernard writes most Wednesdays for http://www.mamasagainstdrama.com. She's on Twitter @BrookeBBlogs.
