To all the stupid lazy husbands who can't figure out Mother's Day

I planned my own Mother's Day this year. Weeks in advance, I told my husband all the crap I do each day, and that my Mother's Day wish was for him to handle all that crap for one whole day. I wanted him to experience what it's like to take care of everyone else for an entire day (without relying on TV or frozen pizzas).

I wanted this because he has, in bewildering attacks of idiocy, made comments that I "don't work" or that I "rest more" than he does. I needed him to understand that working in the home is still work, and that caring for others all day long is exhausting. In other words, what I wanted for Mother's Day was a little freaking validation.

And I got it. My husband knocked it out of the park, and this Mother's Day was one of the most relaxing days of my life. (And by the way, after all he did for me and our family for Mother's Day, my husband went to bed early. Point made.)

But I'm still pissed. Not for myself, because I got what I wished for. No, I'm pissed on behalf of all the many moms who went unappreciated this year. I know they're out there because on Mother’s Day I asked on my Facebook page how other mommies’ days were going… and a disturbing number of comments went something like this:

"Got up and cooked everyone breakfast, made coffee, washed dishes." 

"My husband told me we're not doing anything because Mother's Day isn't a real holiday."

"I'm exhausted from catering to my own mother and mother-in-law."

"I haven't sat down yet!"

"My husband says he's not getting me anything for Mother's Day because even though I'm a mom, I'm not HIS mom."

"...just another day around here."

"My husband gave me a card when I woke up and now he's watching TV on the other side of the house and I'm stuck with the kids." 

And I received these private messages:

"My husband is spending Mother's Day out of town so he can be with his own mom today, then he's helping his friend fix his car. I'm home with our three kids and won't even see him until later tonight."

"I just screamed at my family and now I'm hiding in the storage closet with a bottle of wine."

Pretty sad, right?

So on behalf of all moms everywhere, I have a question for these husbands who shat a giant turd on the one day of the year their wives were supposed to get a break: 

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Mother's Day consists of far too many sappy commercials, "thanks honeys" and Hallmark cards delivered with breakfast in bed (followed up with jack-squat for the rest of the day), and nowhere near enough all-day pampering with a side of "holy crap you're amazing." True acknowledgment for the endless work of a mother is depressingly hard to come by. I feel I can say these things without bias because I happen to be one who doesn't even believe motherhood is “The World’s Toughest Job.” I simply feel that it's within our right to ask for ONE FREAKING DAY OFF. But a bunch of Stupid Lazy Husbands either do not agree or are too inexcusably dumb to figure this shit out.   

Stupid Lazy Husbands, what is WRONG with your brain that prevents you from bending over backwards to make your wife feel valued and cared for on Mother's Day? You seriously can't sacrifice one day to show your gratitude? And please don’t insult our intelligence by claiming ignorance or giving us the old line that we're supposed to tell you what we want from you. The onslaught of commercials, news articles and non-stop Mother's Day propaganda that is shoved down our throats every year for the entire month of April ought to have clued you in by now. Read any mommy-blog the week before Mother's Day and you will know exactly what you're supposed to do.    

I personally can barely wrap my brain around the fact that we're still living in a time when the wife hustles and bustles around the kitchen while the husband sits on his ass and watches sports. IS THIS SERIOUSLY STILL HAPPENING? It makes my goddamn scalp crawl.

This entitled behavior shouldn’t happen on any day, let alone Mother's Day. Whyyyyy are you dumb cavemen even still around, anyway? Shouldn’t evolution have weeded you out already? There are tons of enlightened men who are true partners in their marriage when it comes to parenting - dads who "do it all" and whose wives, believe me, appreciate the shit out of them.

That’s right, Stupid Lazy Husbands, there are other husbands who go to work all day and come home tired, but who understand that the job their wives do in the home (or at work) makes them tired too, and that parenting is a 50/50 job. So these other husbands (who are such better humans than you are) pitch in and help. These awesome husbands take turns getting up in the middle of the night, cut up meat into child-sized bites, do after-dinner dishes, and bathe their children. They do these things because they aren't so ass-backward in their thinking as to believe that because they are the primary breadwinner (or *choke* *gag* "the man") that they deserve a pass. (And by the way, they get laid a lot more than you do.) 

Stupid Lazy Husbands, it doesn’t matter if you think it's a "dumb Hallmark holiday." It's ONE DAY - a single day out of 365 days that your wife wants to be taken care of and shown she’s appreciated. And based on all the gazillion blog-posts and articles I've read, most moms aren't even asking for monetary gifts. They just want a freaking break!

Moreover, in a strange twist of martyrdom, many moms, after asking for an entire day of pampering and servitude, can't stop themselves from getting up and pitching in. We can't stand to watch others work while we sit and do nothing. I myself felt compelled to do a load of dishes and wipe a few butts. And that is so sad and pathetic, isn't it? We can't step back and let others do for us; that's how ingrained in us it is to serve others. Which is why, Stupid Lazy Husbands, it is ever the more incumbent upon YOU to man the f*ck up and tell your wife to sit down, while you do it all, at least for this one day.



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