All Success Starts With a Goal

Today, I laced up my sneakers and hit the gym for the first time since January. Please, allow me to welcome you inside my head.


  1. 1. What a beautiful new hardwood floor!
  2. 2. New machines. More sensible layout. Lovely renovations!
  3. 3. I see they’ve removed the ‘Mike and Ike’ dispenser from the middle of the cardio room. 4. Probably a good decision, overall, but slightly disappointing.
  4. 5. Ugh. Hi, Sexually-Inappropriate Trainer. You’re still here? I stopped coming here because of you.
  5. 6. OK, I stopped coming here because I was lazy.
  6. 7. But not having to faux-giggle my way through your painful flirting was a bonus. It’d be great if I could just head upstairs to focus on getting fit and not have you trailing me, for once.
  7. 8. Oh, this is good. I turned around expecting you to be there, and am pleasantly surprised to see you’re not.
  8. 9. Excellent. I see you’re letting me get settled in the free weights area before making your move.
  9. 10. Wow, I’ve just finished a set of reps without your presence. This is great!
  10. 11. Interesting. Fifteen minutes already without an interruption. Maybe I’ll actually get a workout without having to ward off your improper passes.
  11. 12. Still no sign. You’re keeping quite the respectful distance. This is new.
  12. 13. Where are you anyway?
  13. 14. I hope everything’s ok. Maybe I should check on you.
  14. 15. Fine, I’ll come downstairs but just this once. Don’t expect ever again. Your lifeless body had better be slumped over some kettle bells.
  15. 16. Oh, there you are. Still alive, I see. That’s good, I guess.
  16. 17. Oh. Hm. OK. I see you’ve found someone new to flirt with. She’s cute.  Judging by her round little ass, she must come here often.
  17. 18. But look at my ass! Sure, it’s grown since you last saw me. But don’t you like big butts? You cannot lie.
  18. 19. I’ll just continue my squats down here. No sense in going back upstairs.
  19. 20. Might as well move closer.
  20. 21. Into your line of view.
  21. 22. Ten feet away.
  22. 23. Five.
  23. 24. One.
  24. 25. Oh, sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to step on your toe.
  25. 26. Whoa. Don’t make such a big deal about it, dude. I didn’t gain that much weight.
  26. 27. You look good, by the way. Just sayin’.
  27. 28. OK, I’ll let you finish your conversation with Sphere Butt. Personally, I find all that pretty perfection boring and in turn, quite ugly. But to each his own.
  28. 29. Well, I’d love to stick around and wait for you to irritate me, but it’s time to get ready for work.
  29. 30. I’ll be back tomorrow, probably with a new workout wardrobe strategy.
  30. 31. Try to back off, OK? I just want to work out.

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