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Sparkle (0)
I'm back, so I guess I need to say more about the "jealousy" problem I have. I really don't understand it. As I said before, my husband has never given me any reason to not trust him but I find myself being extremely jealous or accusing. I wasn't so bad until a couple years ago...about the time my life started falling apart...and has gotten worse over time. I think a lot of it has to do with my getting older. I am almost 40 and I have a daughter 18, almost 19, so I have had experience with both age groups and my conclusion is that women my age are usually bored in their life looking for a "something new and "exciting" or they are young and (I want to say very stupid but I won't) immature, possibly looking for a handsome, older gentlemen to take care of them. I know this isn't always the case, but I do believe there are those type women out there just looking for any opportunity to pounce on a decent man whether he be available or not. I have never been a very confident person. I have always been a little shy at first. I've always been intimidated by women of any age, even when I was younger. And I think being middle aged only makes me feel more intimidated. My husband and I have always had, what I would call, a normal sex life, but in the past year or so my sex drive has seemed greater than his. This has affected me greatly. On top of everything else I have been going through lately, my husband doesn't seem to desire me. I know he has a lot of worry on him, but him not wanting sex makes me feel even more old and unwanted. My husband is a good looking man for almost 41. He makes really good money and I can see how any woman would be attracted to him. (Don't get me wrong, he has no money because of our debt, but to the outside world he seems to be doing fine, at least for now). He has always been good at anything he attempts. And I do mean anything. He can snowboard, wakeboard, skateboard anything a young guy can do and most of the time better. He is a GREAT father and husband. I, on the other hand, am not good at much of anything. I did learn to wakeboard a couple years ago, and believe me everyone I know has heard about it because I am so proud of myself for that. His lack of desire for sex with me makes all kinds of, hopefully, crazy thoughts go through my head...is he seeing someone....am I not attractive anymore...does he desire someone else, someone younger? I also think he is drinking, a lot! He has drank beer fairly regular for the past several years but usually only when we go out to eat with friends or when we are at cookouts, etc. I have noticed that on his days off, he has been smelling like alcohol. I'm not talking about in the evenings, I've smelled him around 11:00 am. Being the way I am, I always ask him immediately and he swears he hasn't been drinking, but I really don't believe him. I know we have so many problems financially and otherwise, but I really don't want him to start drinking all day, everyday. I guess a lot of this goes back to being brought up southern baptist. Every southern baptist around here believes you are going straight to hell if you drink A beer. My Dad died when he was 69 and had never tasted alcohol his entire life and I know that is a fact. Maybe his drinking so much is the reason for his not wanting sex. I read that somewhere, that alcohol can affect your sex drive. I just pray that he isn't getting tired of me or his life, although I guess I could understand if he is. I need him now more than ever and it seems he needs me less.
