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Journey got the right idea, “don’t stop belieeeving” They just don’t play this song enough! There’s nothing better than listening to your favorite jam over and over again on a tape deck, I’ve recorded the song about 15 times on each side as to avoid the hazard of rewinding and moped-ing.
Breeze in my dreadlocks, riding into work this morning I reminisce about last night and pondering why there isn’t a mouse flavored cat food….Note to self: Email Ms. Bojangles (marketing director) from Purina again, cc Agnes. The tape blares into my ears “Hold on to that feeeeling” I like to consider myself a laggard in some respects. Yes, I still own a tape deck. All that ipod business makes me nervous. Tell me what to do with an apple and I say eat it sister.
Last night couldn’t have begun more perfectly. After bathing Agnes I went back to the mall to snag that spicy little number I posted. I would have never gone back but after losing multiple bids on eBay I really had no other choice. My price limit on anything besides antique toys for Agnes is $9.99. It used to be a problem until eBay created the slogan” A body that’s freak deserves to look chic in an item antique…eBay!” My world suddenly made sense.
I went to the dance with Miggy and of course she got all the attention with her salsa moves. The girl takes one free lesson and turns pro..After my 15th paid lesson I couldn’t manage to coordinate fast enough to realize my partner was sweating angrily and swirling my dead weight around like a flaccid dummy.
Maybe I lack the curves but I know I don’t lack the confidence. I had been to the tanning booth the day prior so the silken blue dress really brought out my sun kissed skin…err sunburned rather. It didn't hit me until I left the mall how burned I really was. I always leave my bra and underwear on at all times, even during intercourse. The bra I can rationalize as comfort but bottoms for reasons I know are completely moronic. I mainly have a fear of germs creeping up through the open orifices in my body, hence the bathing suite bottom in the bathtub. I had been planning on possibly having intimate relations with a male later so I had decided to go bottomless and topless in the booth to tan evenly. Big no-no for a first timer.
I was uncomfortable and the fact that I was bathing in a stand up shower stall didn’t help. My ass looked like a fat man’s face accused of eating his dates entrée.
My ass was blushing.
I yell at my reflection, not at what it was showing me, but actually at it. “Stop blushing…. you look like an idiot” I scolded the fat man.
I stepped out of the shower horrified, sweaty and in pain. People often tell me I’m a trooper, and I agree. I called Midge and asked her for another half before I hit the "ped".
Miggy was wearing a plastic textured flesh colored mini skirt, cowboy boots and a XL men’s career work shirt, god love her. Sometimes her outlandish outfits just put me to shame but I knew it was my night. I had been celibate for about 8 months, which is a whole other
