Blog
Zandria.us
Bio
Hi! My name is Zandria, and I live in Washington, DC. I wrote for BlogHer.com for over three years (on topics related to single life and online datin...
 
 
 
 

What’s Hot on BlogHer.com

Recent Comments

Am I Writing A Post About Break-ups? Really?

  • Share This Post
  • submit
  • 14
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Every so often in my blog reading, I’ll come across a post about the ending of a romantic relationship. If the post is especially good and/or thought provoking, I’ll save the link for later. I figured that at some point, since I do write about single life, a post about break-ups would fit right in.

The only thing is, it’s a little difficult to write about break-ups if you’re not currently going through one yourself. I mean, the topic can be a little depressing -- why would you want to bring up those memories if you don’t have to? And if you’re like me, maybe you haven’t had enough break-ups to be able to talk about the subject only in general terms (indeed, maybe there have been so few break-ups in your life that the people close to you will know exactly who you’re talking about).

If I really wanted to, I could write a doozy of a break-up post. It has drama, a touch of revenge, and unexpected plot twists (including a visit to a tattoo shop). And you know what? A lot of it has already been written. I wrote the post months ago, back when I felt like I was finally getting over this particular break-up but I knew I wasn’t completely over it.

I wrote the post with the intention of putting it up on my blog with password-only access so it wouldn’t be available for the entire world to see. But when I was finished, something unexpected happened: I found that the writing itself was cathartic. I felt so much better. All those thoughts that had been churning around in my head were finally out in black and white, and I no longer felt the need to post the story for other people to read.

I’m not saying that I would never post it (with password protection intact, of course). It’s just that, if I posted it now, I’d have to deal with the comments and I’d have to respond to them. These events are in my past, both of us have moved on, and I don’t feel the need to relive it.

When writing a break-up post, some people use the phrase “broken heart” to describe how they’re feeling. I never used that phrase myself. Maybe the feeling of having a broken heart will apply to me (God forbid) in the future, under different circumstances -- but it didn’t apply in this case. My heart was, however, cracked. And once a heart has been cracked, nothing is quite the same after that: you’re more wary; you’re less likely to trust as easily.

Here’s the short version of my break-up post: I had good times, I had bad times. I loved, I lost, I learned. I’m a different person than I once was, but I’m happy with who I am.

Would the short version of your break-up post sound anything like that?

Related Reading:

Stefanie: Top 20 Superficial Reasons I’ve Broken Up With Someone and More Superficial Reasons for Breakups

Surfergrrl wrote about the first anniversary of the end of a five-year relationship -- how hard it was to force herself not to contact him, and how difficult it was to go through holidays and birthdays as a newly single person.

Hey Pretty ended a relationship not long ago -- she called the experience “undeniably sad...but also strangely exhilarating.” I know exactly what she means.

Shine: 10 Dating Red Flags

Yahoo Personals: Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig

(Contributing editor Zandria just got back from Las Vegas. She blogs at Zandria.us.)

  • 14
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
loveromance 5 pts

Totally true - except I'm an eternal optimist.  To me if it doesn't work - that's because there's something I needed to learn to get to something that DOES work- and I try to focus on what it is I was supposed to learn. Not beating myself up is always the hard part - and it's also the part that does me the least good!

Sarah, editor at www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com ( http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/ )

Liz Rizzo 5 pts

Love that six word story. Just what I need to hear!

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

Zandria 5 pts

What a dumb a** (on his part), writing something like that and thinking she didn't read. Hellllloooo...

That's HORRIBLE.

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

kaiteykat 5 pts

On Roger's point (and Zandria's post), I completely agree! It's fine to write it out. But password protect it and never at the time of utter heartbreak post it to the internet. Later, sure, but not at that raw stage. Not worth it! Time is a great thing.

I had a good friend find out she got dumped while reading her boyfriend's (now ex-boyfriend obviously!) blog when he decided to write an entire post about how awful she was and how he couldn't wait to "mack some new chicks." He thought she didn't read his blog. He thought wrong.

Eeeeep.

Take care,

Katie

Ogling Uganda ( http://katelewis.wordpress.com/ )

Zandria 5 pts

"Man's rejection is God's protection."

LOVE THAT.

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

At the time I was hopping mad but in retrospect it is funny.  I've even laughed about it with the recipient of my ire.  I sent a well-known guy I was dating and thought I was in love with - a nicely decorated box to his place of employ.  Inside was a package of dog biscuits and a note that called him a dog and some other things.  It was so satisfying.

Man's rejection is God's protection.  A few former loves that I've run across have made me want to tap dance because I'm so happy the relationship didn't last even though at the time I cried over them.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Zandria 5 pts

You're right, Roger. That's exactly why I didn't post it.

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

rsg2003 5 pts

The worst time to speak publicly about a relationship-related is when it hits home.   There is nothing worse than looking back on something you wrote that is loaded with intense feelings that you no longer have and realizing that everyone that knows you can now help you relive your past traumas.  Break-ups are one of those areas that are often loaded with hurt and spitefulness.  Choosing to keep your feelings private is best.  Once the sting is gone, write to your heart's content but bear in mind that everything we write online is indexed and searchable for generations to come... so if you don't want your grandchildren to see how mean and vindictive grandma was after a bad breakup, then don't post it.

Roger S. Gil, M.A.
www.rogergil.com/blog

kazari 5 pts

Most of my break-ups (actually, most of my relationships) could be summed up as:

"What was I thinking?"

 The only exception to that was breaking up with my now-husband.  i think we did that twice.  Both times I ended up thinking 'great guy, wrong relationship'. 

I think we've got it right this time, though.

Zandria 5 pts

But a close friend of mine has been off/on with a guy for over 10 years now. They've broken up and gotten back together too many times to count.

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

SINgleGIRL 5 pts

I've been blogging a lot about break ups and exes lately and nothing I've written nails it as perfectly as those 6 words. 

SINgleGIRL

Sex, Lies and Dating in the City
http://sex-lies-dating.blogspot.com/

christinajeanne 5 pts

I know what you mean about breakups. I haven't been through many myself. I went through two or three if you count the same guy. The first guy I ever really dated I broke up with it hurt that I hurt him but I wasn't sad about the realationship being over. I didn't have the same feelings for him anymore and he was jealous and didn't treat me right so it didn't hurt. I missed our friendship which we got back and then lost again. This time for good but I've moved on from that loss as well. Then I broke up twice with the same guy. First he left without a word i would day my heat was deffintly cracked. Then he came back into my life I took him back he left again because some girl told me he no longer wanted me and my heart was broken. Then he came back into my life the third time as of right now we are still together I think if he left again my heart would be shatterd and I would not give him a 4th chance.

Zandria 5 pts

I have to say I like that story. I can relate!

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

sassymonkey 6 pts

A year (or two) ago various authors were challenged with writing a six word story. Margaret Atwood's was this: "Longed for him. Got him. Shit." Doesn't that sum up most breakups right there? ;-)

Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca/ ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca/ ).