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Unfortunately, the Top 11 chose to sing just about the same, old, boring, old, tired, did-I-say-old? #1 hits that have been tackled by many an Idol-testant since time immemorial. Or at least Season 1.
And, believe it or not (and I only believe it because I saw it with my own eyes), teen phenom Miley Cyrus served as this week's "mentor" because -- as we were repeatedly reminded, as though the contestants were contractually obligated to say so -- she may be young, but she's, like, totally popular and stuff.
Michael Lynche -- Image courtesy Fox
So, as the headline implies, they were able to pick from any song that had hit #1 on any Billboard chart. That's a lot of songs. A lot. So you can imagine my shock and dismay when they picked the most middle-of-the-road dreck you could possibly pick. And if it wasn't a middle-of-the-road song to begin with, they made sure to sing it with a middle-of-the-road arrangement. And apparently they got bonus points for attempting songs that past Idols had massacred too. Like there's strength in numbers, or maybe immunity.
So, with that oh-so-encouraging lead-in, let's begin, shall we?
1. Lee sang The Letter, by the Boxtops
Le's problem continues to be: He's just not that interesting. Everything around him was more interesting than him. The horn section, the background singers, the curtains in back. Bo. Ring.
Bottom line: And yet, probably not even close to Bottom 3 material.
2. Paige sang Against All Odds by Phil Collins
And this was when I knew it was going to be a long night. Oh my, this was terrible. Not even 20% in tune. And all sorts of glottal stops and nervous scoops, coupled with a really nervous, shaky vibrato. I just don't think she can overcome that.
Bottom line: I think it's time to turn this Paige!
3. Tim sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen
Again: Why is this so popular amongst the Idol set? I mean it was one thing when Fantasia did it on Big Band Night -- that was pretty creative and awesome. But that's the only time in Idol history that this song went over well, and last night was no exception. It was the very definition of "karaoke." Vocally inoffensive, I'll grant him, but oh, so very cheesy.
Bottom line: It's Bottom 3 again for Tim, IMHO.
4. Aaron sang I Don't Want To Miss a Thing by Aerosmith
I mean by this time, my eyes were rolling so far back in my head that my S.O. was on the phone calling for the Vatican. Did he sound bad? No. Was it as painful as the previous two? No. But 10 seconds in, I was ready to fast forward to the end. What was the point?
Bottom line: And yet, not the worst of the night, by a long shot.
5. Crystal sang Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin (and, apparently, this is a version originated by Pink)
OK, now we're talking. I actually was a little nervous that this would be a pale imitation, but it was Crystal's best performance yet, by a mile. It was a great arrangement that really played with the rhythms and changed the song up a bit without going overboard, and she sounded terrific. And unlike her other performances, she didn't just sound great, she looked passionate and heartfelt too.
Bottom line: No-brainer -- she is safe.
6. Michael sang When a Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge
This was OK. It was maybe even good. But it wasn't great, and it was just kind of a show-off karaoke or wedding singer performance. I didn't believe that was a star up on stage. It was a big guy with a big voice. Oh, and Michael: Stop licking your lips between every phrase ... it's an annoying tic. It's OK. People have tics. Carrie Underwood still taps on her mic while she sings, but it'd be better if you curbed it now, m'kay?
Bottom line: Good enough will be good enough.
7. Andrew sang Heard It Through the Grapevine by Marvin Gaye
I honestly cannot imagine why only one Idol picked a song from an era within even the last 20 years. At this point in the show, it sort of seem like masochism to keep watching. If I wanted Dancing with the Oldies, I'd dial up Richard Simmons. Andrew did try to modernize this a bit, giving it a slight Maroon 5-like vibe, but sadly it wasn't enough. He continued to have problems with both pitchiness and
