An no one cared, not even the chair.

I'll admit it, I didn't have high hopes for Neil Diamond night. He of the bombastic ballads and cheesy uptempos. Not that I can't think of Neil Diamond songs I like, I can, but I was pretty convinced none of the Top 5 would actually choose those songs. (Note to David Cook: Why you wouldn't sing the Chris Isaak version of Solitary Man, I have no idea.)

The format of the show was whack last night too. Each contestant sang the first song, they were brought out on stage all together, and the judges were asked to do a quick rundown of all five at once. Then after their second song, they reverted to the normal format of having all three judges critique that one song before moving on to the next person.

That led to the Paula-Abdul-on-crack moment where she read her notes to Jason on both of his songs, even though they were only at the point of critiquing the first round. People can speculate all they want, but the explanation seems clear to me: The judges watch the rehearsal and make notes, so they don't really have to try to be insightful and articulate (if we can call Paula that) live and in real time. not a huge scandal...you didn't really think that nothing about this show was scripted, did you?

Neil Diamond was on hand but got a miniscule amount of airtime. Then again, so did everyone else...the show was paced most frenetically...each song seemed very curtailed, Ryan was talking like a meth addict on dexatrim, and the judges were obviously addled.

So, let's take a look at how the singing was, shall we?

1. Jason

First Jason sang Forever in Blue Jeans. not my favorite song...repetitive, trivial, unrelentingly sweet and mellow. And therefore perfect for Jason! He had that dude with the acoustic guitar vibe going, and you know that's his favorite place to be. He's adorable, I still think he's cute as a bug. But even I, an early supporter, would have hoped to have seen something more from him by now. Some dynamic range, a little more power, a little more energy in his performances? I enjoyed hearing (as Paula apparently did) his lower range on the verses of this song, and some day I'll probably enjoy his album of songs by the campfire. But to stand out in this competition, I'd think he needs to show just a little more oomph.

Second Jason sang September Morn. The less said about it the better. There was no power, no drive, no intensity, no build, not variety to his sound. It was extremely dreary, to use a Simon word. Yes, he's authentic and charming, but he is just no professional-grade.

Bottom line: Well, i would have guessed he was an obvious bottom 2 last week, and he wasn't, so all bets are off. But once again, it seems obvious to me that he should be in the Bottom 2, not matter how much I personally like him and wish he would do better than he has for weeks now.

2. David C.

First David C. sang I'm Alive (with electric guitar in tow.) Unlike Jason, David is not particularly well-served when he plays the guitar. It just makes him seem rooted to the spot and less dynamic than when he can move around the stage a bit. This song was bo. ring. No range. No energy, and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. Not one of his better performances, that is for sure.

Second David C. sang All I Really Need Is You. This time he played acoustic guitar, which was a little better than electric. The entire key of this felt a little high to me...he seemed strained when he reached for those top notes, except for when he brought out his falsetto, which is very nice. This was OK. not great. Not bad. Certinaly not one of his better ones.

Bottom line: Not one of David C.'s better nights, but I think he's safe nonetheless.

3. Brooke

First Brooke sang I'm a Believer with her acoustic guitar in tow. This was dreadful. Honestly she looks so uncomfortable and so forced. When she smiles it is a painful, someone-told-me-to-smile grin. The verses were too low, and she was being totally drowned out, which considering the fact that vocally she sounded incredibly mediocre, was probably to her benefit. But mostly i was disturbed by her wiggy facial expressions and uncomfortable physicality. It honestly seems like it would be putting her out of her misery to eliminate her.

Second Brooke sang I Am, I Said, sitting at the piano. I've already shared that I don't think she's a great pianist, and that it inevitably seems to distract her from her vocal when she plays. This was no exception. It was miles better than the first song or her performances the last couple of weeks, but it only solidified the impression that she is a really mediocre singer with very pretty hair. (And apparently a winsome personality that many many people are not already sick of.) As for choosing a difficult song due to the octave jumps in the chorus? Yes, it's true. props for trying something hard, but those octave jumps were rough for her, so two steps forward for trying and one step back for actual execution.

Bottom line: I am so ready for Brooke to go home, and feel like she has deserved it for a couple of weeks now. But America keeps thwarting my will, and they probably will again tonight.

4. David A.

First David A. sang Sweet Caroline. Color me officially and totally over David A. I am now filled with ennui at the idea of one more boy band rendition of a song...as every week goes by and he adheres to the actual melodies less and less. I am now creeped out by his physical awkwardness, from the way they try to dress him to look cool, to his lip-licking, eye-closing, Up-With-People hand gesturing. And I am most bothered by the fact that here is a young guy who really does have quite an instrument, and yet I find no joy in his singing. He seems more like an automaton trying to please people than someone who is filled with the spirit of the music he is singing. Those eyes are dead, baby. On this song, all I could think is: Where is the melody of this song? And where is the joy?

Second David A. sang America. As calculated a song choice as KL Cook's God Bless the USA, without the desperate need behind it. Again, no denying the guy has a good voice. But it's all blended into one performance, it all sounds the same. And i continue to ask: Wheres the melody? Where's the joy?

Bottom line: Oh sure, he's safe, but my interest is plummeting as his ensconcement (is that a word?) in the Top 2 seems assured.

5. Syesha

First Syesha sang Hello Again. Syesha is this season's whipping girl. She is actually a very consistent and very good vocalist with confident, professional performance skills. Yawn. Or at least that's how the judges and the viewers seem to react. she could, as I've said before, be this season's Kimberly Locke...landing in the bottom again and again, but just managing to eke it out until the Top 3. I don't think she needed to repeat her barefoot schtick, but whatever. This song was confident, easy, lovely. She definitely can sing...and you know what? She sang the melody and let it shine through. So, I guess the knock on her will be that her rendition was too "straight" and she didn't "make it her own", but I much prefer someone who can actually sing a song as written and tell its story to someone who has to change every note until it's all about the voice, not the story of the song.

Second Syesha sang Thank the Lord for the Nightime. personality-wise, this was charming and full of verve, but vocally it was bit low-key. She got to wail a bit near the end, but mostly it was a bit careful, and a bit drowned out by the band. I would have liked her to throw in more of her high range.

Bottom line: Syesha seems destine to go every week, and yet she doesn't. She certainly doesn't deserve to this week, compared to the performances by Jason and Brooke.

Bottom line for the Bottom 2:

Well, I'm going to sound like a broken record. it seems obvious to me that Brooke and Jason gave the weakest performances (although i wouldn't mind if David A. got a little bit humbled by a trip to the Bottom 2.) And Brooke has the least potential to entertain me of the lot, so again, I would send her home.

I think Syesha is saving one of them from both the bottom 2 and going home, though. Sadly.

Then again, I say that every week, and it doesn't happen, so maybe the girl just knows how to hang on!

What did you think?