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Even Usher can't convince a one of them to bring on the funk.
Oh, American Idol, America likes to dance and party too, you know? We aren't all just dreary, lovelorn romantics full of yearning. At least not all the time.
Image courtesy Fox
Back in the day when I was a cabaret singer, I confess I loved a good ballad. As a singer there's nothing like being able to pour your heart out through song. I get it.
BUT: When I was putting together an act, say 60 minutes of patter and song, I was careful to not entirely indulge that balladeer's heart. You had to work in some up-tempos. You had to work in a comedy number. You had to lighten it up a little.
OK, it's not like there has never been a successful act that was all sturm and drang and angst. But, we're talking American Idol, yo. And people in their teens and early 20s. The producers should do something about how dreary all these singers are being!!!
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's get on with it, shall we?
1. Siobhan kicked off with Through the Fire by Chaka Khan
Do you see what I've been talking about now? Do you? Because this was wretched, and even the Siobhan-blinded judges had to admit it. The early verses were too low, throaty and weak. The higher chorus was painfully off-key. If she can't scream the high notes, she can't actually hit them. I often complain about singers not being able to sustain notes, but she has the opposite problem. She can't actually sing through a melody and hit every note spot-on. She can scoop up to the high notes and then hold them, but as Simon says: That gets boring.
Bottom line: Could she actually be at risk this week? She should be.
2. Casey sang Hold On, I'm Coming by Sam & Dave
Right on! I'm glad someone went for something funky and more upbeat. This was Casey's best vocal and guitar performance (and the two are basically intertwined). He was maybe a bit too perky for the lyrics of the song, but at least he showed some joy when singing. He had a great rough edge to his vocals, and this was thoroughly enjoyable. Was it rock star good? Have to say no. But really good.
Bottom line: Good enough to be safe.
3. Michael sang I Am Ready for Love by India Arie
Um, Michael: The guitar actually is not your "bread and butter". Really, I'm not sure why he bothered. He's not that good, and partway through, he sort of stopped playing in any audible way anyway. All night long, the camerawork on this episode was bothering me. When singers like Michael and Didi were pouring their hearts into songs, we were getting long shots. Could have used a few more close-ups. Oh, and I guess I should mention that this was a really good vocal performance.
Bottom line: Oh, definitely safe.
4. Didi sang What Becomes of the BrokenHearted
Poor Didi. This was so-so. Definitely not her best vocal, definitely a bit over-the-top, definitely too impassioned -- so much so you kinda dreaded watching in case she really broke down. But did she deserve the drubbing she got from the judges? No, they have always been a bit over-the-top with her too. She reminds me a lot of Nadia, from Season 5 I think, who was way more interesting than most of the finalists, but still went home too early.
Bottom line: Although she has actually eluded the bottom despite previous judge-drubbings, I think her luck will run out.
Image courtesy Fox
5. Tim sang Sweet Love by Anita Baker
Seriously, why even allow this massacre? He totally reminded me of those Keane paintings of big-eyed children and animals. Or the Puss-in-Boots-in-Shrek parody of same. Was he in tune? Sure, kudos. But there was no tone and quality, and there certainly was no believable emotion. Yikes, yikes, yikes.
Bottom line: Can we please put him and us out of his misery now? He has been in the Bottom 3 both weeks thus far. Is the third time the charm, regardless of how "adorable" Ellen thinks he is? (Personally, I think he needs a haircut ... please, Tim, do not get this Bieber 'do all the young kids are sporting.)
6. Andrew sang Forever by Chris Brown
Something from this century! Awesome. This was a good, laid-back version. He did tend to go sharp, and frankly I didn't see it as miles better than some of the performances the judges
