American Ramdan Day Four: Calendars and Sacrifice

So I made it through yesterday, barely. And I only have 25 more days to go. At least I thought I did. Another calendar I picked up at the store showed 30 days not the 29 days that I am observing. The discrepancy between mosques in town (that set the calendars based on local lunar readings or lunar reading from Saudi Arabia) differ by a day this year.  Yesterday was brutal. You’re supposed to enjoy the experience, to appreciate the sacrifice not hate it to the degree that I hated it yesterday. I’m trying to focus on the purpose of the fast and less on the physical discomfort and selfish desires that I have. Like now. I want a coffee with whipped cream and chocolate and cherry pie and a box of Nerds. I really want it. And it’s so hard  to make my mind stop itself from wanting things. I keep asking myself, why not? I CAN have this. And I know I can call  good friends and complain and they’ll encourage me to stop the madness and sneak into Starbucks. There’s nothing stopping me. And, to be honest, I’m not a self denying kind of person. The only time I deprive myself of things are when I want to lose weight, I don’t have the money, or I don’t have the time.  A lot of us are that way. But I don’t want to cheat. I want to finish this. Sure, I’m not in a great mental place. My family and friends think I’m crazy–but sacrifice isn’t something I do very much. That’s not a character trait I’m proud of.

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