The Anatomy of Potty Training

It's been an on again, off again battle to get 'lil Man to truly go on the potty on the regular. What can we expect? He just turned two, so (in my mind) it's still very early. Arianna started around that age as well and was fully "good to go" a few months later. But, I know, it shouldn't take months. Here's the "anatomy of potty training" when it comes to 'lil Man.

Step 1: Shriek, "I wonnna potty!" and pull at pants.

Step 2: Begin to pull pants down, regardless of where you are in the house.

Step 3: Decide if Mama or Daddy will take you. Nine times out of ten, you pick Daddy, but really want Mama to go instead.

Step 4: Demand to go upstairs because the diaper sprayer downstairs scares you.

Step 5: Tug at butt of pants and proclaim, "Uh oh, me poopy".

Step 6: Convince Daddy that getting off the couch MUST happen NOW.

Step 7: Go upstairs.

Step 8: Enter bathroom and proceed to ask if you can "brush teef".

Step 9: Daddy asks if you really need to potty. You say NO then go back downstairs, nothing in the potty or your pants.

Step 10: Wait 4 minutes for Daddy to get back into a comfy position and re-queue up the show he was watching.

Step 11: Start back at step 1 and at step 3 decide this time it's Mama's turn.

Step 12: Go upstairs with Mama.

Step 13: Get completely naked (perhaps because you are afraid of this happening again?).

Step 14: Climb on potty and point to toothbrushes. "I wonnnna brush teef."

Step 15: Ask if you can wipe. Mama says NO.

Step 16: Let out air. Clap hands and proclaim, "I went poopy!".

Step 17: Dance on the potty then realize you didn't really do business.

Step 18: Grunt. Grunt. Grunt some more. All the sudden, #1 and #2 are exiting. Look at Mama and smile.

Step 19: Ask to wipe. Wipe. Get Mama's help so you don't fall in (since you refuse to use the baby potty).

Step 20: Exit bathroom, naked, and go to the top of the stairs. Yell, "Daddy! Me potty and I naked!" while you shake your booty and giggle.

Step 21: Get dressed in jammies, the kind with the zippers and feet. Wait 2 minutes after bedtime story is done. Decide you have to potty again and start back at step 1.

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