And I Shall Crochet You a Penis Warmer


I like to think of myself as a crafty person. I mean I can pretty much do anything. And by "anything," I mean I’m not really good at "anything" but I can fake it like nobody’s business. And if you ask me, THAT TAKES SKILL.

I’ve recently decided to learn how to crochet.

And I was like, hmm, what to crochet ...

So I did what any normal person does in my situation. I turned to Dr. Google.

You know what I learned?

There is some pretty fucked up shit out there. People scare me.

But also? I totally know what I’m going to crochet.

What’s great about this is that its the perfect gift for that person who has everything. You’re welcome, Grandma.

(By the way, do NOT try and insert one of these in your hooha -– there’s an issue with lint.)

Besides crocheting strap-on penises, there’s the friendly penis with the rose for a hat. Is it just me or does she have on WAY too much make-up?

There’s nothing worse than a slutty crocheted penis. Honestly.

Lastly, there are the dueling penises. Fun for the entire family. Don’t believe me? Ask my four-year-old son. He LOVES his.

Oh ... but which one to crochet first.

Shauna Glenn


If you really like me, you'll send wine. 

Photo source: Crazy Sexy Stuff


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