Angry White Chick Rocks Finish Line with Ultra-marathon Mascara - L’Oreal Voluminous Butterfly Review


Can't argue with his logic.
So, without a further ado, allow me to break down this Butterfly Mascara review:
The Packaging:

While some mascaras are just beautifully wrapped tubes frontin' with bat crap ingredients to coat  lashes, the body of Voluminous Butterfly mascara is silver metallic with black stripes and holds a distinctive formula that never runs or transfers.
If you open up the mascara wand, it has a different brush shape compared to the usual lash building brands.  The shape is like a butterfly wing (hence the name). It has longer bristles outside and smaller bristles inside which are perfect for capturing the lower eye lashes.
Now here's what it says on the back of the packaging, so I don't miss anything:


Also, in case of emergency put mascara on yourself before helping others.

Here's the unique shape of the "butterfly winged" mascara wand that L’Oreal is talking about, " catch every lash from corner to corner...":


Why can't I put on eye make-up like a normal person?! I resemble someone brain-dead who's trying to communicate when I put on my mascara face. I should close my mouth!

The Results:


I have only a tiny bit eye shadow on and no eyeliner applied in the latter two pictures directly above so it's quite evident how the mascara coats my lashes and stays put after a long run in the Florida heat and humidity.
I've tried darker eye shadow in the 80s style blue 'wet n wild' color wheel but dark blues tend to blend in with black colored eye products like eyeliner and mascara.  This, just like browns and earth tones, creates the much-dreaded Rocky the Raccoon look which I want to avoid unless I plan on picking up Ranger Rick at the next aid station on a trail in the middle of nowhere, or I'm preparing to rob a bank.
When not running, I do occasionally add black liner and apply three coats of the mascara. I usually only do one coat to get more natural looking lashes, as I did for this review.  Though sometimes I want to see how dramatically 90s I can look if I do 2-3 coats.
My expectations:

When a mascara claims it will give me longer lashes on the outer corner of my eye, I usually think of Angelina Jolie's eye makeup back in the day, so I just had to try this mascara out.


Angelina Jolie - Hackers Promos/Stills (1995)
I really AM talking strictly about her lashes.  Pay no attention to her sofa-pillow lips.  See that blue eye shadow paired with those blue eyes?  This look makes me feel nostalgic, personally.  I wanna bust the tube top and Fresh Look colored lenses out of storage, paint on plenty of blue eye shadow and make sure I have enough time to pick up a pack of smokes for Momma and some Redman for my boy.  Sike!
I'm just buggin' but let's get back on track here.  I read somewhere her eyes are round shaped but with a winged liner and longer lashes on the outer corner of her eyes, it gives her that sexy fine cat-eye look.  With this mascara it is possible to swoop lashes into Angelina come hither lashes for sweaty, grungy, muddy finish line photos.  These are high expectations I know but L’Oreal has been marketing a ton of skin care and beauty products lately that I thought I wouldn't like and they have proven me wrong every time. I have used one mascara in the Voluminous line before this, the L’Oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes. It's not my favorite mascara but it does the job of lengthening my lashes as well as thickening. The Voluminous Butterfly consists of less clumping than the False Fibers kind as you can see.


Now that I'm wearing mascara like Angelina Jolie, the only thing left to do is to begin a collection of babies from impoverished countries like friggin' Pokémon.
I expect that 10 years from now a make-up anthropologist will describe my frozen in time selfie look as "a wonderfully preserved example of the female of the species from the year 2014 using a cosmetic application style from 1994. She was apparently frozen in the midst of her pre-race picture prepping ritual before braiding her locks into pigtails and donning a plaid race skirt in attempts to be totally badass.  As you can see, her face is painted in various colors. We have thick black lines around her upper eye region, and hints of sparkly copper paint on her eye lids, a rosy pink on her cheekbones and her lips are covered in what appears to be a blood red petroleum matter.  Additionally, she has applied a thick black substance on each individual eyelash and for reasons undetermined, she appears to have pulled out most of her own eyebrows where it is suspected they once connected in the middle."
I can almost hear the gasps from the white coat wearing lab students.

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