An Anniversary...

I'd hate to look back on my life at age 40... Or even 30 and be told

"You never really gave love a fair shot again."

This site wasn't created for me to complain about my Ex boyfriend. But it was just as much about becoming more optimistic as it was about becoming optimistic in love again.  I'm watching the Coldplay concert right now so I'm sorry if I sound a bit melancholy.

"I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared...
Singing please, please
Come back and sing to me,
to me..." -Coldplay, "In My Place"

So, it has officialy been a year since my first post on this site.  Some things have changes others haven't. At times I felt like my blog became this open letter of sorts directed at my Ex.  That wasn't fair to him, or his mother, and avid reader of this site.  But,  I needed the place to vent.  I vented, and now I'm left with nothing to vent about.  That is a good thing.

So, back to what I started talking about in the begining... I don't ever want to look back and have regrets when it comes to love.  I watch show like, "Say Yes to the Dress" and see so many girls my age looking for their dresses. I'm not looking to be a bride, but it be nice to be a girlfriend again. On the other hand, I've grown far to independent and content with my solitude that my future love has his work cut out for him. So far, I'm probably losing in love, but I've not lost yet.

I've put myself out there. I've been an eternal Carrie and all I wish I was was a Charlotte. But I've gone on the bad dates and as of late I've been on some good ones.  I was in a semi-rlationship last summer, but if you ask me I'll deny it. I've given it all I've got...

I've talked about the singer Adele here before.  She ha this song called, "Someone Like You."  I love the song, but I have a minor bone to pick. I don't want to find some like like him... I just want him.  I've had over a year to get over him. I'm over how we ended, but that doesn't make me love him any less or want to be with him any less... The difference now is instead of trying to rekindle anything I think, "What is the point?"

I tried, God knows I've tried.  He knows I've tried...

But, if he doesn't want it then I can't force him.

"If you love me won't you let me know,
If you love me, why'd you let me go?"- Coldplay, "Violet Hill"

I just wish I could get him to see what I see. Honestly, I thought we'd be back together by now.  Heck! if you asked me 2 years ago where I'd be right now I would have said engaged. I just wish I had that feeling again. Like, that is an amazing feeling; if you haven't experienced it yet, get ready.  And once you get that feeling, don't let it go for anything.  When I close my eyes and see my wedding I still see it with him.  Once you get that feeling about someone it is nearly impossible to shake. My only issue with that is, if I meant to shake it... I'll shake it, but here I am, over a year later, and I can't shake it.

"Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..." -Coldplay, "Fix You"

So, I'm waiting for the "Ah Ha" moment when, for me, it is over. Because in the spirit of being completely honest; real talk, for me it isn't over.

Yet.

I was ginger a year ago... Now I'm light brown with blond highlights. As I digress, last year saw me partying a lot with my girlfriends and getting back to my "old" self.  I don't know if I really did that as much as I matured. As much as I'd hate to admit, I've grown up this past year. Hopefully next year I will be able to say the same.

This past year on Real Talk 123 I've talked about C.B.Js (If you don't know what that is, see the search bar on my site... use it) and Ho gear.  I've confessed my weaknesses and bragged about my skills lol. I've spoken to you though my podcast and done some vblogs. I've given advice and asked for advice. My site has gotten a lot of traffic, more than I would have ever imagined.  So thank you for reading, and even more thanks for telling a friend.

I wish I could post more frequently, but my life has been getting more and more busy. But, I will be posting at least once a week for sure. Plus, I have to keep you guys abreast on all my dating woes...

On that note, I'm issuing an official future apology to any guy I am to date... You have your work cut out for you (PERIOD). As much as I wan't to be in a relationship, I know there is only one person... maybe 2, that I'm willing to do that with. So in the mean time I'm searching for someone else. I'm actively searching because when did being passive ever really work? So I'm still a simple girl in search for optimism and I still think it is lame when guys use emotocons.

I still don't think optimism is overrated.

for more visit www.RealTalk123.com

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