Announce it with Red Pants
I affectionately refer to my left ovary as "Hotep Lefty". For those of you who do not remember, "Hotep Hepty" was the good luck charm that Gidget used on her trip to Hawaii, so she didn't fall off her surf board. Hotep Lefty usually gifts me with not having to bleed on her month of service (Go Lefty!), but I do get to experience all the wonder of PMDD. (No, Lefty!) Tonight I feel as if I am being double whammied, because Lefty decided I get to have BOTH this month. My husband has been a particular thorn in my side, because he is feeling as if we have very close quarters today. I went upstairs to go to the bathroom, and he had just gotten done cleaning the tub so he could take a bath. He saw the tampon in my hand, and made some gesture I was to understand to mean that I would soil his new clean tub if I changed my tampon within 5 feet of it. Apparently, I was supposed to know this, and understand why he was blocking the door when I walked up. He said, "Don't you know what I've been doing up here?" "Cleaning the toilet?", I said with as much snark as I could muster. "No, cleaning the bath tub." "Yeah. So, what the fuck? Why can't I use the toilet". He got snarky and I got to use the "kids" bathroom. "I'm going to the store", I said a few minutes later, as he was sitting in his bath. "Oh you need pads. I'm sorry I should've picked them up today". (a lot of hubs don't do this. I guess I'm lucky.) "Yes, I need pads. If you have to ask why I am so bitchy, it's because I have been shoving a wad of cotton up my vag for the last 16 hours, and I am in a piss poor mood." I actually used a much more colorful word than vag. I believe it started with a TW and I won't repeat it here. This is where the convo gets good:
H: "You know, you should wear red pants when you are on your period, so everyone knows. I think we should put a red siren on top of the car too."
Me: "I'll go out and buy a pair for next month. I hate tampons. I just want some pads. I'll be back."
H: "You know they're supposed to make tampons comfortable these days. You are supposed to be able to hike, swim, and go horseback riding."
Me: "Seriously? Do you have this picture in your head of women wearing white pants and riding a white f-ing horse? You do don't you?"
H: Smiling sheepishly because HE DID. "Have a happy period"
Me: "A woman did NOT write that slogan".