Earlier this year, Ruby (little kitten pinball) knocked down my favorite piece of folk art — a colorful angel I’d picked up in Santa Rosa back in my twenties.
The fall shattered the whole thing — arms off at the elbows, wings severed from the shoulders, waist snapped dividing its torso into two.
Rather than scolding her (because why? the damage was done) I told her quietly, “Mommy can’t talk to you right now, Ruby.” I was so disappointed.
While I gathered the pieces, I slowly reminded myself what the Buddhists say about glasses being already broken. Have you heard that one? I use it as a mental tool to help with shifting my perception when I need to let go of expectations.
So much of what we hold dear is destructible. Seems like the only potentially permanent things are the ones we can’t see, hear, smell or prove.
Still, I get attached. I was so attached to my angel that I’ve kept the broken pieces of her in a bowl on the kitchen counter all these months. It’s my nature to attach. I’m making peace with that.
After months of consideration, I’ve decided to retire this blog address and name — Mary and Bob’s Journal — and write, instead, at new site.
Having my own domain name, moving from wordpress.com to wordpress.org is sort of like leaving rental property (where the rent is free) to become a home owner. It’s more of an investment. I will now be paying to blog. And when something breaks, I’ll have to fix it myself. And if I don’t know how to fix it, I’ll have to figure it out.
I’ve spent the last month configuring the new site and designing elements for it. I’m learning so much. I must thank Jen Wilson who guided me through the process. If you have any wordpress blogging questions, do yourself a favor and hire her.
Just a couple weeks ago, during a rare visit back east, my brother said to me, “I think you should keep the name.” (Commence pantomime heart stabbing).
It’s true that this site has been a way to keep memories of my grandparents active. Even as recently as a few weeks ago, when I was knee deep in designs for the new blog, I got comments from new readers around the world expressing kind thoughts about Mary and Bob all because of what they read here.
This blog started five years ago sometime between the first anniversary of Grandma’s death in August and her birthday in October.
She would be turning 100 this week.
It just seems like a fitting time for transitions. I think she would agree. She used to say, “You’re a good girl, Ruth Elizabeth.”
I remembered recently — after I had completed the header imagery for my new site — that Grandma had a collection of angel figurines. I never played with them. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what they looked like. In fact, when I was around seven, Grandma and Grandpa moved to a smaller home and left most of the collection in boxes. Even though most of them weren’t displayed, we all had common knowledge of Grandma’s angels.
I grew up knowing it existed somewhere: the angel collection.
Watch, tomorrow, Mom will call me and say, “Do you want the angels? I’ll send them to you.” Or maybe she’ll tell me that they’ve been divided amongst cousins. I have no idea, really, where the things are. Nor do I care.
I’ve got my angels.
They whisper too quietly to hear,
“What is unseen might be permanent.
What is broken can still transform.
What is your new URL, dammit? This post is over 600 words, already.“
Okay okay okay! From now on, I’ll be working over at WritingRuth.com. I hope you’ll come along.
And thank you for making blogging such a fulfilling process in my life.