Another Opening- Another No

I opened an email response today regarding a fiction submission I sent in May to an online magazine.


Actually it was no thanks and a bunch of other sentences strung together that mean yadda, yadda, yadda.

And while I’m aware it’s not the end of the world, I can’t help but feel disappointed. I am thankful they took two months to decide on the no, rather than the 24 hour turnaround rejection I’ve seen before.

So I’ve got that going for me.

It’s hard enough to write the stuff, but the marketing and promotion of yourself and your work is an entirely different beast. With much bigger teeth.

The better to eat you with my dear.

Actually, I could use a wolf.

A cunning, determined one would be nice. Like a producer.

Producers do all the nasty stuff; make the hard decisions, upset people and sell their souls to make a project work. You know, like Max Bialystock.

Where would I be right now if I had Max on my side?

Making money? Making the blog look more gay? Incarcerated at Sing-Sing?

One of the reasons I love The Producers so much is because it is an homage to Picasso's famous quote- “Art is the lie that hides the truth.”

Mel Brooks uses Hitler as the extreme example of greed, lunacy and the public’s desire for the next “thing” to show the truth about the entertainment industry.

I’m using the humor from The Producers to mask my hurt feelings and try and cheer myself up.

It goes like this-

Horny Old Lady- Let’s play a sex game!

Max- Ugh! Like what?

Horny Old Lady- How about The Distracted Tourist and the Ever-Watchful Orangutan?

Damn that’s good writing!

Perhaps I’m not getting published because my writing isn’t that good yet. Or maybe some of these editors need to stop what they’re doing and appreciate a good orangutan sex joke.

I don’t have all the answers today, but I do feel better now.

I’m sure even Mel Brooks faced rejection early in his career. I’m sure he doubted if he’d ever get a break. I’m sure someone said “No thanks, yadda, yadda, yadda.” to him.

Where else would he get the inspiration for that orangutan?


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