Anthony Wiggle is Making Eyes at Me; A Mom's Descent into Madness
I have been watching a significant amount of preschool television for quite some time now. I generally put it on for noise (because, hey, it's not noisy enough here), and its presence actually helps me savor the silence more when I turn it off, after the babies go down for their naps. We're okay with the TV being on here, for the most part.
The Wiggles have been around for several years, and through the magic of Sprout (playing gobs of really old, outdated shows), I've had the honor of watching the transformation of Anthony, the blue Wiggle, from somewhat of a caterpillar to a beautiful, possibly surgically-enhanced butterfly. I've also become fairly convinced that he's undressing me with his eyes.
Forgive me for saying this, but in really early Wiggles shows, he's rather, well, without mincing words, not so attractive. Not my cup of tea. Though he did a wonderful job entertaining children, and for that I respected him.
I've watched Anthony's transition from puffy, brushed out curls to a fade, to having mutton chops, then losing the mutton chops, all as his jaw became more square, his teeth whiter, his eyes brighter, and his skin more tan.
(My husband and I have also psychologically profiled all of the Sunny Side Up Show hosts and "Nina", the host of the Good Night Show. So, there's a chance this all may have gotten slightly out of hand.)
Along with these transitions, Anthony Wiggle has definitely developed more confidence. It may have to do with the fact that the entire group must have more money than God by now, or that he may have retained both an excellent cosmetic dentist and plastic surgeon. Whatever the case, though, I would swear he's licking his lips and winking at me through the screen.
Here's an example:
Maybe it's the porn 'stache, or the fact that there are ladies dancing around him, or the fact that his shirt's unbuttoned just a little too far. Or it's me. It might be me. But I feel like I need a shower to wash off the twelve kinds of wrong every time I see this.
Sure, it's a winning formula, right? Hook the moms, hook the kids. And far be it from me to interfere with the bottom line.
But he's a little hot, uh, I mean, gross. He's gross. Phooey.
[Image: Manhattan, NY, United States - K27568HMc SD11/28/2002.76TH ANNUAL MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.The Wiggles . HENRY McGEE/ NYC.(Credit Image: © Globe Photos/ZUMAPRESS.com)]
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