I don’t care. I’m trying not to care. I can’t care anymore.
I’m trying not to think about it. How he WAS. Because? That isn’t him. The WAS is what I thought. But the WAS doesn’t exist.
How he IS. Really IS. Not what I thought he WAS. But IS. That’s what I have to think about it. I have to embrace the IS…the WAS isn’t real.
And? Accept it.
I didn’t do it. I didn’t cause it. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t deserve it. I sure as hell didn’t need it. But? I got it. Who he really IS. The IS? Not what I signed up for. The IS can’t be screamed at — he doesn’t care. The IS just rough stuff. The IS.
He IS the IS. And not the WAS. So?
Apathy is my new friend. Apathy…..limited contact. Limited discussions. Limited being.
Apathy is hard when you are mouthy. Fiery. Know you are right.
Apathy is void of all thoughts, caring, engaging.
Apathy sucks. When you JUST want to SAY what you want to SAY…..but? Apathy.
I’m hanging out with Apathy. First few days? Total failure. Didn’t get along with Apathy. She pissed me off…..
But? Apathy is smart. Apathy is unexpected. Apathy? Might be calming, dare I say.
Indifference. Ignoring. Ahhhhhh, my mind is free.
Because the IS will be what is IS. It’s alllll out there. The IS.
I just don’t have to let the IS overtake me. I’m better than the IS. Because? I WAS what I WAS.