Are Bigger Bloggers Obligated to Help Smaller Bloggers?

Loralee: I've been following you for over two years. I don't comment often, unless I feel I can offer a comment that is new.

When I have commented, you have always been beyond kind in follow up.

I feel you are a helpful blogger. And just as kind in person. I said hello to you outside of Queerosphere at BlogHer 11 and you couldn't have been more approachable. Thank you for that.

There were more than a handful of 'bigger bloggers that would not even smile back at me when I approached them and told them I enjoyed their blog. I think they have to think about how much it took for me to walk up to them and speak.

Their intolerance for a smaller blogger interrupting their own private sparkle party was evident.

Still, it won't stop me from visiting their blogs: because I get so much out of their words.

People owe us nothing. Just like real life. We decide how we want to be to others on this planet.

It's everyone's own issue.

Really enjoyed this post. Thank you.

As someone who is new at all this. I can say that I do not expect anyone to help me. That being said, I learned a long time ago, that if you don't ask, you have no one to blame but yourself if you fail.
Some people seem approachable, so you'll ask if they can guide you in the right direction...that could be through advice, a link to a helpful page, or even to blogher. That is how I ended up here. I didn't know many people who blogged. So I asked one blogger how she found her information...she sent me to blogher, as well as a few other places. That was so helpful.
Some people never respond, and I am OK with that. Like I said, I don't expect anything, but if I think someone may be open to helping, I'll ask. I am not looking to be a big-time blogger, I am just someone who doesn't know how to find all the resources available out there.
Through blogher, I have found some great blogs on starting out, and for that I am grateful.
Please don't take asking for help as expecting something. Or that we feel they are obligated. Of course they are not.
I look at it this way, if you were lost in a new area would you just keep driving around hoping you'll figure it out (assuming you don't have gps), or would you stop and ask for directions?
Some people can help, others can't...and that's O.K.

Well, this is very interesting to me, because I have been blogging for about a year, and I am just now starting to get a small amount of buzz. None of this would have happened without the help of some folks I have never met, but who found my blog somehow out there in the universe and began to give me tips on how to get more readers.

Due to advice, I joined Facebook. After becoming addicted to that, another reader told me to join Twitter. That also gave me knowledge, some great followers, and another addiction.

A fellow blogger suggested I join this site, and I feel overwhelmed with the opportunities Blogher will afford. That is the kind of help I really need, and somehow, it just comes my way.

Do famous bloggers owe us little people anything at all? Not really. But I find challenges and pointers all over the place. I think successful blogging is a full time job. Part timers and slackers need not apply!

mollyc/salamicat http://tiny.cc/mollyc

Hey good post, I've been thinking along those lines lately, too.

I've also been wondering how many bloggers simply have other bloggers following them. Not that anything is wrong with this, but I want my blog and message to really make a difference to others, the "public" so to speak. When I think about other bloggers following me, sometimes, I don't know if it's truly because my message and theirs is similar or because they want a "follow back," you know what I mean?

I don't know...maybe that's the wrong way for me to think in this world of blogging. But I often wonder if the "friends" that I appear to have isn't merely a, "I scratch your back and you scratch mine." Granted I do believe you need a couple of those relationships in business, so I just wonder.

I really want my blog to touch others, so I'm elated when I hear from people who were searching and found me, "heard my message" believed in it and decided to follow me. Now if I come across a blogging friend like that, I'm okay. It's just the other way that really concerns me. I want women saying, "Oh you should go to ... site she has some great information on there. I don't want them to come b/c I give give-aways, unless that's what my blog is about. I would like for them to note, however, that I give give-aways sometimes in appreciation for my loyal followers.

Anyway, hope this makes sense. I'm yelling at a couple of kiddos, right now!

Oh, one more thing...blogging does sort of remind me of "high school" a bit. I see a lot of "cliques." Again, I keep telling myself that it may simply be more "like-minded" people coming together, but I get bad vibes from some of the "cliques" and I don't get them from just "like-minded" bloggers, so for me there seems to be a difference. Okay, let me go take care of the kids.

Angela M

I don't feel as though anyone is obligated to help a smaller blog. But it would be nice if we do give feedback on their blog, they could possibly on ours. I know they're a few HUGE blogs out there who are notable (Dooce) and are extremely busy to sit there for hours thumbing through blogs. Maybe in a dream land everyone has a bigger brother/sister that helps them along, but usually, in the real world, it's all for themselves.
( http://desperate-for-coffee.blogspot.com/ )

My point was not so much about the "favor" being asked as the backlash received or the things said or perceived about the blogger when if they don't respond (What if you get 100? Do you have time to read all those blogs?) or comply with the request.

To me, the actual requests and how I help other bloggers seemed less important and not the focus of the piece. I felt (and still feel) that saying "I get unreasonable requests and expectations. I do things to help other bloggers." was sufficient.

Thus, me not seeing the need to spell it out.

Also, I am not as much speaking for myself but the bloggers who are a lot busier and bigger than myself that I have heard negative things about in relation to this sort of thing.

Suburban Kamikaze Of course you have to spell it out. There is a big difference between someone asking you to shill a product for zero compensation and a blogger asking to be included on a blog roll. Of course either way, you do your readers no favors by promoting anything out of a sense of obligation. You should tell the first one to get lost and make the call on the second request based on whether you think the blog is worth reading. That's just my opinion. But hey, you asked.

I am pretty wary of the tone in this comment but sure, I'll humor you.

I wasn't aware that I had to spell things like this out but if you would like specifics? I will give them to you.

How I get annoyed: I got 3 emails today with requests from bloggers I do not know well or at all with requests to promote their blogs. Just because. No relationship between us.

I have people/brands wanting me to promote them all the time with no ROI for me and no relationship developed between us.

They ask just because they can and when I have said no, I have been met with hostile replies and mean spiritedness and often am accused of being a snob.

Now.

How I like to help.

Well, let's see.

I filmed a segment with Ree, The Pioneer Woman at her ranch this weekend.

My post about it is here: http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2010/04/13/filming-... ( http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2010/04/13/filming-... )

In that post I linked to small bloggers that make products that I LOVE and that I gave to Ree as a thank you gift.

I promoted a small jewelery company that gave me a necklace with zero reciprocal expectation just because they are fans and I linked to the organizers of a suite I loved at a conference in Houston because they were nice and I liked the product.

I had to do none of it.

Happy?

I don't name the stuff I do because it looks like asshole name dropping but hey...you asked.

Suburban Kamikaze After 30 something paragraphs I have no idea what the author believes she is expected or not expected to do for all of the lesser bloggers seeking her out because she has achieved "something." She knows "first-hand ... that there definitely are people out there who absolutely have expectations like that" but we are left to guess as to what "that" is.

We are not given a single example of the "unreasonable/unearned" expectations that plague her, nor do we ever learn what services she loves to provide to "newer and smaller bloggers that would like to grow."

Who is being asked to do what and for what purpose?

I'm not a huge blogger by any stretch of the imagination, but I've always--always--said that I would help other bloggers in any way that I could. I run an advice column. I do a wall of remembrance a couple of times a year for the baby loss community. I work with the March of Dimes.

I've always made sure to include everyone who has asked (even blogs I don't read) on my blogroll because I know it's hard to get your name out there when you're starting up. I answer my emails and give tips when I can. I'm as accessible as I can possibly be.

But at the same time, I bristle at the idea that I "have to" because I get so-and-so hits a day. I do it because I like to help other people, not because I feel I owe it to them.

And (I am particularly annoyed today because someone has JUST done this to me) when I am hassled, hounded, and then run through the wringer because I do not--or cannot--help someone because I have other obligations, well, I get furious.

I blog because I love to. I have built an amazing community around my blog all of whom I adore. Seriously, I do. I'm happy to welcome ANYONE into it. Not because I'm obligated to, but because I love to meet people.

But when words like "obligate" are introduced into it, I chafe, because "obligate" means that I have a responsibility to other people. My blog is my hobby, not my job, and although I do love it, it's not something that makes me gazillions of dollars.

I am kind to others and certainly happy to help out anyone I can because it makes me happy to do so, but it's not my job to do so. I do it when I can to the best of my ability at that moment.

So, of course I'll help you. Anyone. You want my ear? You have it. You have my email, my twitter, you have my IM, my Facebook, all at your disposal. I'm happy to be your friend. Honestly.

But not because I have to be.

I don't think they necessarily have to, but it's nice when they do. I think it's so great when big bloggers remember that everyone has to start somewhere :)

That being said, I definitely don't expect them to promote every possible person, I understand they have busy lives too.

http://www.shewearsaredsoxcap.com

Twitter @RedSoxGirl10

I would love some help - would love for a more popular blogger to add me to her blogroll or mention me in a post. When the Catalyst Organization retweeted one of my posts I walked around taller and smiling for days ... That said, no I don't expect it, but it sure would be nice.

Talking about women, the wage gender gap, and body image at Life: Forward ( http://lifeforward.onsugar.com/ ).

I would love some help - would love for a more popular blogger to add me to her blogroll or mention me in a post. When the Catalyst Organization retweeted one of my posts I walked around taller and smiling for days ... That said, no I don't expect it, but it sure would be nice.

Talking about women, the wage gender gap, and body image at Life: Forward ( http://lifeforward.onsugar.com/ ).

Bloggers are people. And people like leopards don't change their spots whether they are blogging, out with friends or in the private of their bedrooms. If someone is going to be inclined to help out a new blogger, they would be just as likely to reach out to someone new in their neighborhood. Just be yourself and expect blogging not to be any different than other areas of life. Have fun, enjoy being engaged -- regardless.

I say if you get help..pass it on...sometime..somewhere...when and where you decide!

Hi Amanda!

That could definitely be the reason. I really have no idea why she would be jealous, so maybe she's just "going into invisible mode." Funny, she's contacted me a lot on FB lately. She must have ESP. :o).

Thanks again!

-Megan Anne Please visit, subscribe to, and share: http://www.momentswithmegan.com "An Independent Twenty-Something Girl and her Pursuit of Happiness...or at Least Satisfaction."

I will say that I did get a chuckle out of your post about your opportunity to go to Ree's lodge. And I did say to myself, how awesome would that be!

I know what you're saying. Even though blogging isn't my entire life, things that happen in the blogging world matter. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to bump elbows with some of the more prominent bloggers out there. I've been reading them for years; they are people I respect and admire.

Also, you are a riot! Your post had me in stitches. :)

-Amy
Amy blogs over at This Northern Life ( http://thisnorthernlife.com ).

To me, the repeated wheedling and requesting link love on a blog you can't recommend is such a shitty position to be in. I think some avoid shout outs and endorsements just to not be placed in this particular position with people. Just a guess but I know you are NOT the only that has been in this situation. And it blows. 

What would happen if you were honest about how you see her blog? Would she accept it as constructive criticism or just hurt her and make her think you are a jerk?

Yes, that is what I meant. And the opposite, that they would get less flack if they were "openly/observably" nice to others.

. 

So many great comments. I can't possibly read them all. My knee-jerk response is "no way", and I am one who would benefit from some shoutin' out... I suppose we all could :)

I am happy to pay it forward, but it is impossible to do it for all inquiries. One "friend" wants me to shout-out for her home-based business, but I don't connect with the stuff...and I am not particularly fond of the writing nor the content of the blog. And she wants to know why people aren't coming or commenting... I know why, and I am in a spot. It'd be easier to just link and pimp, but where does it stop. She has engaged me, and I care for her, but... it such a downer blog.

My litmus test is connection. Not just friendship, but what are we linking to? I want to lead my readers to content I feel they expect to see from me. Doesn't mean they will like it, but stuff that makes sense I'd link to/mention. It's not just about the favor, but the community. I'd like it to helpful, funny, relevant to the specific post.

I think I have a bit of a guard up just because I am getting more requests and it's hard to find time. As much as I want to share the love... it really needs to be love... not based out of guilt. I'm not going to link to someone's blog of incessant whining and shopping list. Because that has been asked of me, and it is clear why no one comments. One can only comment, "I'm sorry" or {hugs} so much. I visit to be encouraging and because I care about the person... but I don't recommend the site to others...

I feel like a jerk. I say promote and pay it forward, but don't do it just because they ask.

I was plowing through my inbox and was on my way over when I see Mir hit it SQUARE on the head.

I NEVER mind genuine people asking for help. (As long as THEY don't hold the fact that I am too busy or what they are asking is beyond my ability of what I can do for them)

It is a far cry from being icky about it. Or putting out passive aggressive comments or tweets into the blogosphere because a blogger hasn't lived up to your expectation.

I don't think ANYONE I know minds genuine questions, it just depends on their situation as to if they are able to help or not. (And I defend their right to decline). :)

Hi Nana J,

Just to clarify, I don't have a problem with people genuinely seeking help/information in a courteous and respectful way. I love sharing knowledge with colleagues and newbies alike, and as you say, the Internet is big enough for all of us.

What I object to is rudeness, entitlement, and/or people whose attitude seems to be that blogging is a great get-rich-quick scheme and any buffoon can do it.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't get into blogging to make money. That's like pursuing acting because you want to be a movie star; the chances of it happening are very, very slim. So do it because you love it, and then you'll be happy whether you end up making money or not. But doing it for money because you think it's an easy gig is going to end badly.

As for separating the wheat from the chaff, there are lots of well-reputed sites sharing great information about freelance writing in general and blogging for profit in specific. I don't think it's all that hard to figure out whether a site is legit or not. I really like Copyblogger ( http://www.copyblogger.com/ ), for example. And I write a blog for Work It, Mom! called Cornered Office ( http://workitmom.com/blogger/corneredoffice ) that's about being a work-from-home freelancer (and sharing the lessons I've learned).

There are plenty of people out there building and participating in a community and knowledge sharing for mutual benefit. No one can tell me that there aren't resources or no one is talking. There are and we do. But an email that says, "Hey Mir, I've been reading you for a long time and I wonder if you might be able to answer this specific question for me because I need some advice" is a world apart from "Hi there, I found your name on the Internet, I want to make big money, tell me your secret." It's not that it's a secret, it's that manners still matter. To me, anyway.

--
Mir Kamin (BlogHer contributing editor)
Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda ( http://wouldashoulda.com/ )
Having it all with less: Want Not ( http://wantnot.net/ )

I don't blog--yet. But I have been researching the blogging world, stockpiling how-tos and future posts, trying to define do's and don'ts, all while continuing to read my favorites and work on my current writing projects. My vision for my blog is becoming more clear.

There is an overwhelming amount of material for a newbie to wade through. Trying to make judgments about pertinent content without actually knowing all the questions is tough. Trying to find out real-world actualities is even harder.

Mir Kamin brought up being asked "How do you do what you do?" and "How do you make money from a blog?" I understand a successful blogger--or any business person--does not have the time to individually answer all questions that come their way. But if it were me asking those questions, it is because I truly want to learn the right way to move forward, and eliminate as many missteps as I can.

And crass as it is, we all need money to live--trying to make money may not be my motivation for beginning a blog, but it sure would be nice to be paid for my content at some point in the future. And I have yet to find concise, understandable articles explaining to nontechies how successful bloggers and web site owners make that happen.

I don't want to be given a handout, but a hand-up would be most welcome. As someone commented here, the Internet is big enough for all of us.

I'm a fairly intelligent, fairly computer savvy person who is inundated with material from my research and finding it hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Got a little long there, and maybe a little off-topic, too. Sorry about that.

The very thought that this feeling exists at all sickens me, quite frankly.I really hate the feeling in society that anyone "deserves" or doesn't deserve anything!

You work hard, and you'll get it. Eventually. Or you won't. But the thought that people think there should be a network of blogs that should be supported or not? No way. I see tons of blogs out there that I wish didn't even exist, for whatever reason. They're poorly written- or badly designed- or both. The people that have good writing, and good design, they have followers. I haven't seen one yet that doesn't.

Followers should be earned. If you blog for the sake of being a blogger, you're going to be disappointed, too.

http://fourtydegreeday.com/wp/

You're EXACTLY the big bloggy sister I would have wanted.

And that is utterly awesome of him. And I am not saying things like this shouldn't be done. I applaud it and in my world that is utterly how I operate. (In fact, I had an hour long phone conversation today with a blogger about this very thing. You will do the whoo hoo dance when the blogger posts).

I am just here being devil's advocate and fighting for the right for them to do what they want with their time and reputations without being thought less of in the community. Because it happens. And often unfairly. 

That's all.

  Hi, I am khaye and I am new in this business, the internet and online business I mean. I do not even know a single thing about blogging, even had difficulty posting my comments. Confused…? If not for a task I am supposed to do, I wouldn’t be in here. . Don’t get me wrong ladies…I am a frustrated writer. I just didn’t have the guts to let my work leave my journal (safely inside my drawer). I love writing and in so many ways, blogging is writing. I just do not think that I have it in me so, I tried sticking to my forte and it is impossible. In my kind of work I am bound to come across bloggers and blog sites (is this the right word). It seems that blogging is the rave. There is always someone who needs someone to do his or her blogs. And in every site, there is always some blogging to do.

To help or not to help that is the question.  I think it is no ones obligation to help. It is your choice and yours alone. It will be a good thing to help occasionally, though. Again, not an obligation. There are people (and I am one of them) who really needs help and mentoring.

I came across a site a couple of days ago. There is an article (I still call blog an article).The caption is so ordinary not one to caught your attention. (Hey guys, are you still reading this?) Anyway, as I am new in the business I tried to read everything there is to read. There was an article (they just quote part of it) they are making fun of. It is not ones obligation to help, yes. However, making someone’s work an object of ridicule that is another thing.

Not everyone can be a writer/ blogger but everyone can definitely try.

One more comment. No one should feel obligated to help someone else. If it happens organically and honestly, great. If someone is so moved to help the masses, great. But in reference to the title question on this blog post, doing things for others out of obligation will not have good consequences for either side.

Thank you, Mir, I will check out the links you provided. One observation, if I may: When a person is involved in a business (any biz), it is easy to see and know how to act, how to proceed, how to evaluate different parts of the business. It is not so easy for someone on the outside looking to be a part of that biz.

It is possible I'm being too cautious, wanting to know too much before taking the leap.

I don't want anyone to do my work for me, and I don't mind researching if I have half a clue what I'm looking for. But at this point in my life, I also don't mind skipping a few steps if I can. :)

Thanks again for the discussion here.

I know this is a little different from blogging and what is being discussed here, but it's in the same ballpark - here's the story:  http://ow.ly/1k994

How awesome is that? 

So he has some status and following in the Twitter-world and he randomly chose someone (perhaps not so random... perhaps with a little vetting to reduce risk) and it TOTALLY elevated his own standing with people for having done it, and this 19 year old college student now has 27,000 followers on Twitter and has raised a few thousand for her Race-for-the-Cure effort. 

That was not difficult for him to do.  And it did nothing but improve his own standing with people. 

The more we lift others up, the higher we, ourselves, are in the end.  That seems a pretty consistent truth in my world...

I was goin to take issue with this statement: " If there is no expectation, then why is there this feeling of, "Well it WOULD be NICE if they actually reached out and helped people."

Because I DO think it's nice if people reach out and help people, big or small.  Then I realized that you probably meant that people were insinuating that the blogger would be better liked, more respected, get big fat cookies in the mail, etc. if they were to reach out and help people. 

I don't think anyone is obligated to help anyone out so I do think it's quite nice of them when they do.  In a judgy kind of way -- I think it's nice of them to take the time, energy and be thoughtful, not in a "I should expect so!" kind of way.

Big or small, none of us are able to succeed wholly on our own and so I think it behooves everyone to exist in a community; clearly one way to do that is to help others but that help can appear in many forms, none of which may be necessarily cherrypicking "lil people" for special attention.  Heck, maybe their contribution to the 'sphere is their valuable content!  Perhaps I'm generalizing too much, but I think the essence of it is that help is good when it benefits the helpee and doesn't hurt the helper. If the helper feels put upon or taken advantage of, then they shouldn't do it.

Yes!  Well put.

You are VERY good at helping others. (I've noticed) and I say kudos to you for the way you go about things.

I've gotten a bit of flack for saying "big" vs "small" in reference to bloggers. I utterly agree that it is relative and thus hard to define. I'm a huge believer that "big" and "small" is not the sum total of someone's online worth online. I use it simply to quantify a couple of things here for the sake of this discussion. "Big" to mean that they have standing in the community and traffic so that their words (and links) carry weight and also have a significant level of responsibility and obligation and work (thus creating a time crunch). 
"Having arrived'  is utterly subjective and I certainly don't think that a bigger blogger is worth more than a blogger of smaller traffic or notability.  (Not that you were saying that I just thought I'd throw that in here while I was addressing the other.) :) 

No way in hell was this you. 

THANKFULLY it does not happen often (I really meant what I said about there being way more genuineness and good will online than not)  but the times it has have been slimy, icky. 

And? NOT YOU.

I've been working on the internet since 1997. I started off building my own website (not blog) and growing it. Yes, I received help from fellow webmasters. No, I did not expect it. Over the years I have met many webmasters, and now bloggers. There are always some that never want to do any leg work of their own, they want all the answers handed to them on a silver platter. I'm referring to webmasters and bloggers, not just one or the other.

I personally don't mind helping others, but like you, I don't like it when someone demands my help or expects it. I joined Dine & Dishes Adopt a Blogger and have an adoptee. I never was adopted myself, but saw it around the blogosphere last year and thought it was a great concept. 

I also started a discussion list for food bloggers that has gone over very well. Everyone is helpful and kind and does everything they can to help each other.

I'm sure there's boatloads I could write about this subject, but my final answer will be the same. No. It's not fair to expect others to help, where is it written that they should? If someone isn't helping you, or worse yet, if no one is helping you, then you are A) not looking in the right places, or B) expecting to be spoon fed.

Megan, maybe your friend is not jealous but just has a hard time dealing with competition? I've withdrawn from friends because of this... I am just not a competitive person -- it doesn't come naturally to me at all. So I tend to be very uncomfortable with it, and that makes me want to go into invisible mode. It's not about being jealous, because I want my friends to be successful. It's more like, competition feels hostile to me even when it isn't.

Of course I don't know your friend or whether she is anything like me. Just thought I'd suggest this as a possible alternative explanation for how she is acting... also I'm not saying it would be an excuse for treating you the way she has.

This is a moral imperative. Also, those lacking oreos are obligated to be generous with any milk or coffee they may have to contribute.

;)