Are a few answers so much to ask for?

When I was 16 I looked into the mirror to find two very long, very black hairs on my chin. I grabbed some tweezers and plucked them. A few weeks later they were back, so I plucked them again. I thought nothing of them at the time. After all, since puberty I've had several long, wire-like black hairs that grew on my right breast. I tweezed them and by the time I was 16 the hairs were growing back slower and thinner. Now, at almost 34, only one grows back and it's very spindly.

But the facial hair got worse.

Hairiness, my mom said, ran in her side of the family. My grandfather, who died in 1971 because he was a heavy smoker so I never met him, was very hairy. At 3 years old my nephew looked like a blond werewolf. His father, my oldest brother, often asks for the women in his life to wax his back because the hair is so thick it causes him constant discomfort. So I thought it was normal that I had to shave my legs and armpits every single day - sometimes twice a day - when other women could skip a day or two. Then I had to start shaving my belly - and my extremely hairy forearms.

I had to start waxing my chin for the black hairs had multiplied and all were wire-like. I also had to start waxing my upper lip. Every day now I have to do hair patrols on my chin, looking for the offending hairs and ingrown ones.

Meanwhile I was putting on weight. Tipping the scales at one point at 295 pounds. (I'm 245 now.) Bright purple stretch marks showed up all over my belly, which started to take an odd shape itself. Something my mom calls a "front butt" because it looks like the bottom curve of - well, a butt. My fasting blood sugar was constantly 105. Not high enough to be diabetic, but still pretty darn high, and no amount of dieting nor excercise brought it down. My doctor, who's son died in his 30s from being massively obese, began to lecture me every single time I was in. I could be violently ill with a bad cold and he'd still make it all about my weight and ignore my terrible cough.

I have acne that resists treatments. Be it ProActive or expensive prescriptions - it just won't go away. Laser treatments did nothing for the facial hair.

And it wasn't until my dermatologist had knee surgery that anyone bothered to try and find out why. Her physician's assistant sent me to a gynocologist who sent me to an endocronologist. He took one look at my symptoms and while he did all the tests required to make sure, he knew in a heartbeat I had polycystic ovary syndrome.

The facial hair, the acne, the belly, the stretch marks, the blood glucouse levels - all are signs a woman has this. Yet NO ONE put it together in all these years.

I've could've gotten proper treatments long ago, maybe have it under control, maybe not be so blasted fat, not tweezing my chin like a mad woman, if my doctor would've pulled his head out of his butt, if my dermatologist would've listened to me when I spoke.

Course it's more then that. Seems that the treatment for PCOS is usually birth control. I can't take birth control. My blood pressure - which is usually somewhere between 110 over 65 to 126 over 70 (pretty good for someone who's morbidly obese) - will shoot up close to the 200 range. I get constant headaches on it. My personality changes for the worse. I've been on several different kinds, it's always the same reaction.

So I've sought out allternatives. I sought out forums on PCOS and started asking questions. Perhaps it was how I introduced myself that caused me to be ignored. See, I don't want kids. One of the things PCOS causes is difficulty in getting pregnant to straight out infertility. So I said that part didn't bother me since I wish to remain child free - I just know I'd be a horrible mother. Heck, I don't even want to date or get married. I don't like sex - I find it painful, nasty, and a total waste of time. Besides, ugly as my body is I don't want a man to see me naked. I don't even like to see myself naked. (I only mentioned the fact I didn't want children though.)

Anyway, the majority of the posts in these groups were these women seeking to get pregnant. So I guess my longing to be childless offended them to the point where they won't give any answers.

I asked if anyone had done any research concerning bioidentical hormones and PCOS. No answers. (I did ask my gyneocologist my last check up and she said, "Estrogen is estrogen, bioidentical or otherwise. It will increase your chance of uterine cancer.")

Since I can't take birth control, I read the books by people like Dr. John Eden and others and found lists of natural herbal supplements they recommend for women who can't take the pill. So I started on most of those. However they recommended saw palmetto - yet I can't find a blend that says it's for women, it all says it's for men and their prostates. So do I take the men's blend? Or do I keep searching? I asked this. No answer.

I can't get any support from my family either. They regard my PCOS as "an excuse" and don't seem to care that I'm - I'm scared.  They don't give a crap that the hair embarasses me. Mom keeps on me about going to the dermatologist but I see no point in wasting any more money there as they can't do anything for my acne.

I also want to know why my family doctor, a man who saw me grow up, didn't see the signs. Why he's STILL so overly focused on my weight that when I ask him to stop talking about it and help me with my cold he'll actually yell at me. Why my dermatologist couldn't see what was right in front of her face.

And why won't anyone answer me?

~Jami JoAnne Russell~

www.jamisings.com

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