Are Sexless Marriages Sustainable?

In America, 15-20% of couples have sex less than once a month.

It is a bit hip in the media now to talk about “sexless marriages” but I am surprised by people who stop having sex within their marriage, then are devastated when their partner starts getting it elsewhere.

I believe marriage is, in part, a commitment to be sexually available to each other.

Are Sexless Marriages Sustainable?
Image Credit: diego_monserrat

What’s Wrong With Sexless Marriages?

If you have stopped having sex there is most likely something wrong physically, emotionally or relationally in your life. If the sex is bad, if you are too angry to have sex, if you are too sore or feel too fat or too tired…these are all issues that can be navigated with professional help.

Meanwhile, let’s all agree to be realistic…Even though you may both be saying it is “okay we aren’t having sex,” and “we will get to it later,” if you are 60 or younger, you are playing with fire if you have little or no satisfying sex.

This fire is one of your own making. When couples have infrequent or no sex, they are atvery high risk for infidelity or other manifestation of unhappiness (e.g. substance abuse)in one or both partners. No amount of denial is going to change this.

If you have sexual discrepancy in your marriage, you have a concrete place in which to start your growth and healing as a couple: Starting to have sex again.

If you start up, and the loneliness, lack of excitement, anger or apathy remain, it is time to evaluate if you should be, or really want to be, in this relationship. Stopping sex as a subconscious way to end a relationship isn’t healthy for anyone in the mix, long term.

- Dr. E

Science can help us nurture and enjoy our sexual selves.


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